Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Tyson
"The children were playing while Holston climbed to his death; he could hear them squealing as only happy children do. While they thundered about frantically above, Holston took his time, each step methodical and ponderous, as he wound his way around and around the spiral staircase, old boots ringing out on metal treads."
It is pretty stupid from the first sentence.
Only happy children squeal? Wrong. Do children generally thunder? Nope. Above where? Above him? Wound his way? On a staircase? Around and Around would mean you ended up back where you started from. Boots ring on a _surface_ not on their own treads. Because of whatever the staircase might be made from and the composition of their soles. There is no indication of the staircase surface - or does he mean the treads are the staircase, not the boots? The latter being what people would assume as who talks about staircase treads? A terrible mangled sentence. Unclear, hamhanded and lacking.
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I think somebody is of the "it's popular so it's rubbish" persuasion
Over analyzing things never really gets you anywhere in fiction.
Here's what I got from it:
He's winding up to the top of a spiral staircase, listening to the children playing down below. Squealing, like with laughter and screams of fun and happiness....they could squeal because they are being tortured like pigs, but then they wouldn't be happy would they?
It was a perfect first sentence. It set the tone of the entire story, and was perfectly readable and understandable.
I think I should take my avatar's advice though.