Quote:
Originally Posted by DMcCunney
It does indeed. A lot of these things stem from unconscious assumptions picked up by osmosis as a child from the adults around us. They become internalized and matters of reflex.
As an example, I was once involved with a woman who made life interesting. Nothing ever got settled. Any time she got mad at me, it would provoke an hours long tirade of screaming, in which everything I had ever done to upset her was thrown in my face. Never mind that we had usually argued about it and supposedly settled it previously. I met her parents, and decided that was the sort of relationship her mother had with her father. At an early age, she internalized it as "Oh! That's how you do it!", and followed the practice with her own boyfriends/husbands when she grew up.
My parents loved me and did their best to raise me. I discovered when I got older and moved away from home that some of what they taught me was wrong, such as my father's casual racism. I didn't blame them for it: they weren't lying, and sincerely believed what they said. They were simply passing along stuff that someone they trusted had taught them, and had never been in a position to learn it wasn't true.
Your whole concept of who you are and how you fit into the world stems from such sources, and influences what you feel and believe.
I concur, and see it as a legitimate function of government
Yes, and it's one of the main political questions at any time. I see variants of the underlying political issues locally, like protests over proposed new electrical generation facilities. Everyone knows we need them. No one wants one near them...
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Dennis
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My biological father could be described that way as well. Of course, I saw very little of him growing up. He left when I was about two, and I seldom saw him after that.
However ... there was one time I was in college that he popped by Los Angeles to see me. We were in a store or a restaurant or something ... and I opened my wallet. In my wallet, I had pictures of some of my friends from school. One was a guy (nicknamed "Killer") who just happened to be black.
So, my father asks me who "that person" is ... and I said "Oh, that's Killer. I just love Killer."
Now, by "love" I meant love as in "I love all my friends." Killer was coo coo for the girl who lived two doors down from me in the dorm. But my father didn't ask and I didn't offer any additional information.
So, my father goes back to his home, and calls my mother to ask what the hell she was doing raising a daughter who would "screw a n*gger." Now, as it happened I was still a virgin at that point ... and my mother knew that. She also knew that Killer was one of my best buddies.
But, did she tell my father that?? Oh no, my mother said, "Oh, I'm quite certain she isn't screwing any [black men] now. She always tells me about everyone she screws, and I'm certain she's screwing a Chinaman at the moment." And then she hung up on him.
I laughed so hard when my mother told me about that, I damn near peed my panties.
Years later, when I was dating a gentleman of Japanese ancestry, my father kept reminding me that the Japanese had killed my uncle in WWII. OK, but my boyfriend was Hawaiian, and I think his family left Japan in like his great grandfather's generation or something.
My mother, on the other hand, kept telling me that Japanese/Caucasian children were sooooo cute, and couldn't I possibly get pregnant before the two of us broke up??
Talk about being raised listening to both sides of the debate ....
