Quote:
Originally Posted by Edward M. Grant
I can't speak for others, but in my case you get about two paragraphs to make me want to read the rest of the book; if I don't want to read the third, then I'll move on. Getting those two paragraphs right is something I need to work on more in my own writing.
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I don't have a specific number of paragraphs required in order to "sell" me; but I assume the first paragraphs will be indicative of the tone of the rest of the novel, and if it doesn't work for me, I put it down.
This opening reminds me of the novice actor who, in order to try to hide his novice nature, overacts to the point of distraction. The opening reads like a writer's fervent attempt to be "clever to impress," but taken too far over the top. It hits the reader over the head, and like a good Punch & Judy show, promises more whacks to come. My advice would be to relax and dial it back.
OTOH, I've seen quite a few romance novels that read no better than this, and they seem to be popular enough...