Heartsong (nice name),
did you search for the web page?
On the writing-
It is over the top. Too much production is one way to say it.
The ideas are ok, but I would first recommend "simplification" and then see what comes out. If it is still grandiose, work some humbleness into it.
It basically goes back to what the author believes about how a story is told. I personally believe in coaxing the reader more than trying to deliver a slam bam at the onset.
But, I am carrying on. I am reminded of a thread that I started some time back about
Writing and Inspiration that people wanted to go in another direction.
Good luck.