Quote:
Originally Posted by kezzym
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The punctuation is so atrocious the result is almost unreadable. They often have commas that should be semicolons, and there's no closing punctuation inside quotes. Not sure why there's no indent at the start of the paragraphs nor spaces between them, but that could be a browser function. (If it's part of the epub, then the structure makes the effectively unreadable.) Ending paragraphs on a comma to start a quote on the next line breaks the story up so badly I couldn't follow what was happening.
Sample for MR readers who don't want to click through:
Quote:
I thought for a second I had copies of the pictures on my computer and it would be easy to make collages of them, it was like a huge weight had been lifted I smiled at him and threw my arms around his neck,
“Thank you”
I said now I couldn’t wait to get back and do the job. He went and made himself some breakfast then joined me again on the deck.
“I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight, just the two of us?”
He asked a jolt of excitement shot through me despite having already slept together we hadn’t yet been on a proper date,
“What about you being spotted Sabrina said that could be an issue”
“It’s OK there is a country club that I am a member of they know me there so it will be safe”
My smile widened,
“I’d love to”
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(Whaddaya know; copy-pasting puts spaces between the paragraphs. They don't show up on the other site.)
Advice: get an editor, or at least a beta reader, who knows how paragraphs are made. *THEN* look for people to critique the stories themselves.
Also, redo the cover for "Sex and Friendship" so the title is visible. Dark text on a dark picture is a bad idea.