I quoted you below because I don't know which specific point I am commenting on, except to say I completely agree with you, and Karma points are about to be sent.
My husband and I lived together for ten years before we got married, so I agree, the commitment *behaviour* is the primary, if not only, thing that actually makes a lifelong commitment. I married my best friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeshadow
Yeah let's be honest: the most probable outcome of a wedding is the growth of a very popular false belief: that some kind of goal or achievement has been reached.
A lot of people fail to see that being a pair (or a group if you happen to be polyamoric  ) is not a point but a way.
Thus from the day on the rings are exchanged and the legal papers signed the caring for the SO's love, respect and attention ceases. The sick idea of "Now I got him/her." grows on the legal status shit.
Those who seriously mean to stick with each other don't need that.
And those who think they need it as a stabilising factor don't take the need for relationship longterm-care serious enough.
Lifetime and health is the most basic wealth.
If someone wants somebody else to spend his or her life (or a significantly sized part of it) with, then that person should constantly work on deserving it.
Partnership is a constant mutual working on deserving each other.
No ceremony, legal contract or other flavour of official fixing, removes the need to do so.
My best wishes to the pairs out there who know what I mean. |