Noooooo.... calibre does *not* need 2GB of ram for 20000 titles.
I've got a library here with 33K titles in it that takes under 250kb and another of 10K which is about 220kb. Both start up easily under 15 seconds. When this issue has come up in the past it has been because of:
(1) disk speed / fragmentation
(2) custom columns
(3) having the tag browser visible at startup
I know chaley has done a lot of work at tuning calibre at various points and for most people it has made a massive difference (certainly did for me) so some of those issues are not as bad as they were in the past.
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