|
HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH YOUR NEW PUPPY
(This is some years out of date in terms of photography, but still funny.)
1. Remove the film from the box and load the camera.
2. Remove the film box from your puppy's mouth and throw it in the rubbish bin.
3. Remove your puppy from the rubbish bin and brush the coffee grounds off his whiskers.
4. Choose a suitable background for the photo.
5. Mount the camera on the tripod and focus.
6. Find your puppy and remove the dirty sock from his mouth.
7. Place your puppy in the pre-focused spot and return to your camera.
8. Forget about the pre-focused spot and crawl around on your hands and knees after your puppy.
9. Hold the camera, focus it with one hand and fend your pup off with the other.
10. Take a tissue and clean the nose prints off the camera lens.
11. Take the flash cube out of your puppy's mouth and throw it in the rubbish bin.
12. Put the cat outside and put Betadine on the scratches on your puppy's nose.
13. Take the Betadine-soaked cotton wool out of your puppy's mouth and despair about the cotton wool that went missing - where could it be and when will you see it again?
14. Try and get your pup's attention by squeaking a toy above your head with your left hand and taking the photo with the camera in your right hand.
15. Replace your glasses on your nose and fall backwards into a chair. Take a long breath ... and as your puppy scrambles on your lap to shower your face with kisses, resolve to ask someone else to take the photo for you!
|