Thrilled to announce that The Breadwinners has made it to the quarter finals of the 2012 ABNA contest.
These are the reviews that got me through.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
I thoroughly enjoyed this excerpt. Charles is a conflicted man, a flawed hero, and the author nimbly renders the inner conflict regarding his seduction of Hilde and his pride in the resultant paternity, as well as his lovelorn abjection. Character development is pitch-perfect. The narrative tension is growing steadily. The pace and rhythm is lyrical, and the local color/environment is vivid. This author knows how to write an entertaining and substantial narrative.
What aspect needs the most work?
The excerpt is convincing, compelling me to continue to read. There are one or two turns of phrase that are not fresh, and could be considered cliche, such as "piercing blue eyes," and "a warm glow through his body." However, these are not glaring errors within the context of the entire excerpt.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
From what I have read, this is ready to be published. I was hooked from the first page by the writing and by the character of Charles. The author pays attention to detail and local color, creating an environment of dimensional characters and conflicts. The prose is muscular and the mood and tone are spot-on. Moreover, I was intrigued by secondary characters, for example the obese Benjamin, who fears the potential violence of his father. There is nuanced foreshadowing here. The author is also portraying the prejudices of South Africa with subtlety. I would certainly want to read the rest of this story.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The writing style is solid and only enhances the story. The characters are being developed fully with some of their strengths and flaws already apparent. The plot is moving along nicely. There is the slightest foreshadowing but the reader doesn't know fully what to expect in the battle between the bakeries.
What aspect needs the most work?
Be careful to avoid stock characters--especially in the supporting women roles.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
A well written beginning with interesting and very human characters already in the midst of a potentially explosive conflict. The exotic setting only adds to the story and doesn't detract. I am intrigued and would most definitely continue reading the novel.