MobileRead Forums - View Single Post - "Z14"

dadioflex · 03-14-2012, 07:22 AM

Checked out a bit of the sample and personally I don't much like your writing style, though I could probably forgive it if the rest of the sample grips me. You're writing a first person narrative and have fallen into the trap of peppering the text with "I" until reading it is like getting pelted with tacks. But that's just me - many will tell you that "I" is invisible in the reading, like "the" and "and". Just not to me.

Sample Chapter 1, up to the email, which I imagine isn't even a whole page, "I" appears about 20 times.

03-14-2012, 07:22 AM	#3
dadioflex Dyslexic Count Posts: 526 Karma: 5041991 Join Date: Aug 2008 Device: Palm TX, Advent Vega, iPad, iPod Touch, Kindle	Checked out a bit of the sample and personally I don't much like your writing style, though I could probably forgive it if the rest of the sample grips me. You're writing a first person narrative and have fallen into the trap of peppering the text with "I" until reading it is like getting pelted with tacks. But that's just me - many will tell you that "I" is invisible in the reading, like "the" and "and". Just not to me. Sample Chapter 1, up to the email, which I imagine isn't even a whole page, "I" appears about 20 times. Last edited by dadioflex; 03-14-2012 at 07:26 AM.