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How are you setting up the VM to point to the library? I have no problem if I do it by creating a share on the host and then use the (virtual) network and using the "map drive" option to assign a letter to the share. Doing it any other way can cause problems due to limitations on the OS calls supported for accessing the file.
Also you must make certain that you do not have another copy of calibre accessing the library - calibre only supports single user access to its database.
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