Just finished reading
The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass by Bill Maher. Very funny stuff, and from my perspective, mostly on target. I'd love to share some of the best and funniest passages but, this being Bill Maher, the best stuff is fodder for our opt-in Politics and Religion forum. Nonetheless, here are some of the less political offerings:
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COMPUTER CRASH
New Rule: Instead of getting me the new steering-wheel desk for my birthday, save the $19.99 and just write “I hope you die” on a card.
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New Rule: Don’t feel bad that the Taco Bell Chihuahua died. Yes, the Taco Bell Chihuahua has gone to his great reward in the ground. Oddly enough, the cause of death? Taco Bell. But don’t worry, fans. If you would like to visit the dog’s remains, just order a Burrito Grande.
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New Rule: Stop calling bagpipes a musical instrument. They’re actually a Scottish Breathalyzer test. You blow into one end, and if the sound that comes out the other end doesn’t make you want to kill yourself—you’re not drunk enough.
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New Rule: Someone has to make a mustard container that doesn’t squirt out yellow water before it gets to the actual mustard. I get all excited for lunch, and then Grey Poupon pees on my sandwich.
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New Rule: Just because I’m in my underwear doesn’t mean I’m “parading around.” Why is it women always accuse men in their boxers of “parading around in their underwear”? There is no parade. I just happen to be not wearing pants. And if that bothers you so much, maybe you should get off and wait for the next elevator.
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And all this talk about the “southern way of life” . . . please, I’ve been to the South. It’s the same way of life we have over here. You watch TV, you go to the mall, you eat a soft pretzel, and you go home. You just do it slower, that’s all.
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I highlighted 82 passages in this book, ignored pages on end of humorous commentary because I hate making highlights that are nearly chapter length, and out of everything I highlighted, these are the only quotes I felt comfortable sharing outside of P&R on a "family-friendly/workplace-safe" forum. This was a most enjoyable reading experience. Highly recommended; a solid four out of five stars.