[Ninjalawyer]

Update

Managed to speak to a live human being, and Kobo customer care really went the extra mile to disappoint. From being subjected to broken hold music for 10 minutes (I now have a catchy "blerp" sound running on an endless loop through my head), to the rep with an accent that could best be described as "mouth full of marbles", to call sound quality that would have made Alexander Graham Bell blush, the whole experience transcended awful and became almost magical.

Oh, the solution the rep could provide? My issue will be escalated to the "hrmphred" department and I'll receive an email within 48 to 72 hours. So exactly the position I was in on Saturday when I sent an e-mail.

On the plus side, short of putting sugar in my gas tank, Kobo customer care has surely reached the limit of their ability to disappoint.

Edit

I should also note that after having me spell my name out and looking through my account, the rep dubbed me "Norm". That's not my name, not a variant of my name and in fact shares only one letter with my name. I can only assume that in the rep's culture, "Norm" is a sign of deep respect and honour.