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Comedian Jim Gaffigan on vegetarianism, I paraphrase:
"I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way!"
"'I haven't eaten meat in 5 years.' Yeah? Well I haven't had a banana in a month, you don't see me bragging."
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