For those who are easily offended, look away now........
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my
Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.
Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny
and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The
last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a
noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma,
"That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy
whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the
hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that
double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he
stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip,
had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose
in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!"
A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about “pussy,” and their “B**ch.” The boy, confused by this, approaches his mother after school. “Mom, what’s a pussy?”
The mother, startled by this, thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.”
The son then asks “What’s a B***h?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a B**ch.”
The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?”
The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out a copy of Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”
The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a B**ch?”
The dad replies, “Everything outside the circle.”
OK, you can look again now.
