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futurebear · 09-02-2011, 10:54 AM

@ ATDrake
Since there has been much to do about gay rights and bullying in the news, I will post this about the south.

We haven't gotten any better at all. I have lived here all my life and trust me, I've seen it from when I was a kid. The bad thing about it is, it probably won't get much better as much of it is passive aggressive.

There is much racism here as well, people here hate anything that isn't what is taught in their church. The sad thing is if you go home and watch these people, they aren't what is taught in church either. It makes no sense to me. Why make people wish they weren't born when you can't live up to your expectations either.

The answer is probably that they feel so bad about not being able to live by these expectations that they have to vent their frustrations. I know I am very guilty of that.

I could go on with many many examples of what I am talking about, but it would probably just fall on deaf ears.

I do want to show my own history though in case some bigot reads it. Maybe the people on this forum can even tell it to someone else to help them understand.

I grew up raised as a Baptist. Southern Baptist to be exact. I did everything the Bible told me, I even read most of it unlike most Christians. As I grew up and started realizing I liked men instead women I started hating myself even more. I already hated myself because of being different (geeky) and fat. Now I hated myself on a whole other level. I hated myself for be created this way.

I can't really put into words what that feeling is really like. To put it as short as possible, to this day I wish sometimes I never existed. It is something that doesn't fully go away. If I hadn't been raised a Christian I don't think it would have been that bad.

I tried to change myself by masturbating to straight porn (even though that was not right either, but a lesser offence from what I was taught). It didn't work at all. I remember punching myself in my crotch, and in my face. Hitting myself with bats or whatever was in my room trying to make myself change, or feel the way on the outside as I did the inside. Nothing worked. I prayed, I vowed myself to celibacy.

It hurt, and no one knew I was going through it. I assume some people at school must have thought I was being abused by my father, which was semi correct for multiple reasons, but he didn't know about me being gay. It didn't help that I constantly heard negative things from him, the preachers, the media, my teachers, and my peers about being gay. I wanted to die.

Eventually after reading the Bible some more I came to realize that the one thing that hardly anyone practices that the Bible teaches is Tolerance and Love. Yes, it says that this and that is wrong (and I wont' even start on the contradictions so I don't really make people made) but it says that you shouldn't judge people, you should love them. Judging is reserved for God or Jesus, which ever one of the same your supposed to worship (or it could be the spirit). The main example is the example where he saved the street walker from being stoned. Those who are without sin can throw the first stone.

After that (and the fact that I realized everyone is going to purgatory or hell except the Jews *semi joke*), I decided that I wasn't made wrong, I was made right. After a while I lost my faith completely, but at that point in my life I realized that I couldn't change myself so I stopped hating myself for being gay.

I got off on a tangent, and was going to delete the brick of text above, but decided to leave it in case it can help someone understand that no matter if you think something is wrong or right you should still love them. There is no excuse for making someone else feel inferior. I am not hurting anyone, or anything by being me. I can not change, and at this point in my life, I don't think I would. I wouldn't consider myself a role model, but I am out, everyone knows it. I think that will help someone somewhere understand that gays aren't evil incarnates and maybe teach their kids to be tolerant, which will stop a bully somewhere. Our actions are always watched, even if we don't have kids ourselves.

@ ATDrake
The original point was just to point out that the south hasn't changed, but I got of on a tangent. There are very few places you can be you. No matter if your black, gay, Asian, or even middle eastern. God help you if your have a beard and are dark colored because you are part native american. You still get labeled as a terrorist. Trust me, I have been labeled one and was born and raised in Alabama. (Of course, if you ask me any belligerent redneck bigot is a terrorist as well.)

09-02-2011, 10:54 AM	#28
futurebear Member Posts: 17 Karma: 132 Join Date: May 2011 Location: Louisiana, Unfortunately. Device: Kindle 3	@ ATDrake Since there has been much to do about gay rights and bullying in the news, I will post this about the south. We haven't gotten any better at all. I have lived here all my life and trust me, I've seen it from when I was a kid. The bad thing about it is, it probably won't get much better as much of it is passive aggressive. There is much racism here as well, people here hate anything that isn't what is taught in their church. The sad thing is if you go home and watch these people, they aren't what is taught in church either. It makes no sense to me. Why make people wish they weren't born when you can't live up to your expectations either. The answer is probably that they feel so bad about not being able to live by these expectations that they have to vent their frustrations. I know I am very guilty of that. I could go on with many many examples of what I am talking about, but it would probably just fall on deaf ears. I do want to show my own history though in case some bigot reads it. Maybe the people on this forum can even tell it to someone else to help them understand. I grew up raised as a Baptist. Southern Baptist to be exact. I did everything the Bible told me, I even read most of it unlike most Christians. As I grew up and started realizing I liked men instead women I started hating myself even more. I already hated myself because of being different (geeky) and fat. Now I hated myself on a whole other level. I hated myself for be created this way. I can't really put into words what that feeling is really like. To put it as short as possible, to this day I wish sometimes I never existed. It is something that doesn't fully go away. If I hadn't been raised a Christian I don't think it would have been that bad. I tried to change myself by masturbating to straight porn (even though that was not right either, but a lesser offence from what I was taught). It didn't work at all. I remember punching myself in my crotch, and in my face. Hitting myself with bats or whatever was in my room trying to make myself change, or feel the way on the outside as I did the inside. Nothing worked. I prayed, I vowed myself to celibacy. It hurt, and no one knew I was going through it. I assume some people at school must have thought I was being abused by my father, which was semi correct for multiple reasons, but he didn't know about me being gay. It didn't help that I constantly heard negative things from him, the preachers, the media, my teachers, and my peers about being gay. I wanted to die. Eventually after reading the Bible some more I came to realize that the one thing that hardly anyone practices that the Bible teaches is Tolerance and Love. Yes, it says that this and that is wrong (and I wont' even start on the contradictions so I don't really make people made) but it says that you shouldn't judge people, you should love them. Judging is reserved for God or Jesus, which ever one of the same your supposed to worship (or it could be the spirit). The main example is the example where he saved the street walker from being stoned. Those who are without sin can throw the first stone. After that (and the fact that I realized everyone is going to purgatory or hell except the Jews semi joke), I decided that I wasn't made wrong, I was made right. After a while I lost my faith completely, but at that point in my life I realized that I couldn't change myself so I stopped hating myself for being gay. I got off on a tangent, and was going to delete the brick of text above, but decided to leave it in case it can help someone understand that no matter if you think something is wrong or right you should still love them. There is no excuse for making someone else feel inferior. I am not hurting anyone, or anything by being me. I can not change, and at this point in my life, I don't think I would. I wouldn't consider myself a role model, but I am out, everyone knows it. I think that will help someone somewhere understand that gays aren't evil incarnates and maybe teach their kids to be tolerant, which will stop a bully somewhere. Our actions are always watched, even if we don't have kids ourselves. @ ATDrake The original point was just to point out that the south hasn't changed, but I got of on a tangent. There are very few places you can be you. No matter if your black, gay, Asian, or even middle eastern. God help you if your have a beard and are dark colored because you are part native american. You still get labeled as a terrorist. Trust me, I have been labeled one and was born and raised in Alabama. (Of course, if you ask me any belligerent redneck bigot is a terrorist as well.)