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poohbear_nc · 06-10-2011, 08:56 AM

1. Wake up to dawn chorus outside bedroom door proclaiming undying love & imminent starvation - punctuated at intervals by the thump of a large kitten bouncing off the door as she jumps at the door handle.
[yes - you learn the hard way that:
a. cats can't tell the difference between 3 am and 6 am
b. cats don't care if it's 3 am or 6 am
and firmly shut your bedroom door at bedtime]

2. Open door and greet 3 cats joyously, distributing head pats & hugs equally among 3 cats with only 2 hands. Yes, it can be done ... it must be done to prevent hurt feelings and hissy spats.

3. Allow cats to herd self to kitchen, where 3 bowls are filled and placed simultaneously on the floor using only 2 hands [see explanatory note in #2]

4. Monitor sharing/poaching of food amongst said 3 bowls - sort of like playing a shell game using live cats. Kitten attempts to eat everyone's food, and gets most of it.

5. Escape into shower.
[Note: Do NOT allow kitten into bathroom until completely done!]
Ignore thumps of large kitten jumping against the door trying to reach the door handle.

6. Open bathroom door and joyously greet kitten as if you haven't seen her for weeks, nay months.

7. Kitten jumps onto sink and begins drinking from dripping faucet, managing to slip into sink, get all 4 feet and most of her tail wet.

8. Dash into bedroom while kitten is enjoying water sports, and pull on shirt & slacks.

9. Attempt to put shoes on with kitten attached to shoe laces. Attempts to divert her attention by waving the laces on other shoes fail miserably. Tie the laces into some semblance of a bow with a minimum of scratches.

10. Return to kitchen to cook breakfast. Find older cat sitting on your place mat on the table looking at you with a "What's the problem?" expression. Remove cat from place mat, and observe immediate attack on her by the kitten.

11. Open deck door and fill the squirrel feeder to divert kitten's attention. Leave deck door open despite the heat so you can cook breakfast without falling over kitten. Monitor for hissy fights as 3 cats jockey for position for observing squirrels through the screen.

12. Wash dishes with kitten trying to play with the water. Learn to ignore wet paw prints on counter, and wet tail in face.

[Next installment: Brushing Your Teeth With a Plus-Size Kitten]
or
[How much water can possibly be in that small cup that was just knocked off the counter?]

06-10-2011, 08:56 AM	#30895
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 63,781 Karma: 135239851 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Morning Routine With a "Plus-Size" Kitten 1. Wake up to dawn chorus outside bedroom door proclaiming undying love & imminent starvation - punctuated at intervals by the thump of a large kitten bouncing off the door as she jumps at the door handle. [yes - you learn the hard way that: a. cats can't tell the difference between 3 am and 6 am b. cats don't care if it's 3 am or 6 am and firmly shut your bedroom door at bedtime] 2. Open door and greet 3 cats joyously, distributing head pats & hugs equally among 3 cats with only 2 hands. Yes, it can be done ... it must be done to prevent hurt feelings and hissy spats. 3. Allow cats to herd self to kitchen, where 3 bowls are filled and placed simultaneously on the floor using only 2 hands [see explanatory note in #2] 4. Monitor sharing/poaching of food amongst said 3 bowls - sort of like playing a shell game using live cats. Kitten attempts to eat everyone's food, and gets most of it. 5. Escape into shower. [Note: Do NOT allow kitten into bathroom until completely done!] Ignore thumps of large kitten jumping against the door trying to reach the door handle. 6. Open bathroom door and joyously greet kitten as if you haven't seen her for weeks, nay months. 7. Kitten jumps onto sink and begins drinking from dripping faucet, managing to slip into sink, get all 4 feet and most of her tail wet. 8. Dash into bedroom while kitten is enjoying water sports, and pull on shirt & slacks. 9. Attempt to put shoes on with kitten attached to shoe laces. Attempts to divert her attention by waving the laces on other shoes fail miserably. Tie the laces into some semblance of a bow with a minimum of scratches. 10. Return to kitchen to cook breakfast. Find older cat sitting on your place mat on the table looking at you with a "What's the problem?" expression. Remove cat from place mat, and observe immediate attack on her by the kitten. 11. Open deck door and fill the squirrel feeder to divert kitten's attention. Leave deck door open despite the heat so you can cook breakfast without falling over kitten. Monitor for hissy fights as 3 cats jockey for position for observing squirrels through the screen. 12. Wash dishes with kitten trying to play with the water. Learn to ignore wet paw prints on counter, and wet tail in face. [Next installment: Brushing Your Teeth With a Plus-Size Kitten] or [How much water can possibly be in that small cup that was just knocked off the counter?]