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4. There are two general areas of history you should read in: the Greeks, and Shakespeare. Everything that has ever happened, happened to the Greeks. All the rest is commentary. Remember, Homer and the related Greek plays are history, even if they didn't happen. As for Shakespeare, you must read his histories because he wrote them.
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Eh, I disagree. There ARE some good Greek works out there that deal with womens' issues and minorities and slavery and so forth, but I wouldn't call Greek literature the absolute sum of human experience.
I recognize that you were being tongue-in-cheek and I am being pedantic, though.