I'm a poet, primarily, so I didn't really have a choice between big and small publishers, as the biggies aren't publishing poetry for the most part.
One of my books is with a small press, and one is with a university press. I had good experiences both times, though of course the University press was able to do a bit more promotion than the smaller press was. I also had less control: I didn't get to choose my cover, and they asked for a title change, though in the end, we went with my original title. Both asked for edits, as they should. In both cases I made almost no money, but hey, I'm a poet, so I don't really expect it. Both books looked great, and overall it was a good experience with both publishers.
I often suggest university presses to poets or to writers of literary fiction/nonfiction, because I think you can get great books from them, and since you pretty much have to have an agent to go with the big presses, going through a university press, where you can submit the book yourself, saves prose writers a step. Because yes, as was mentioned, finding an agent isn't easy either!
As for not going with a publisher if they suggest changes, well, I guess I'd say if you don't want to change anything, then self-publish. Otherwise, most publishers are going to ask for changes. Most writers I work with, though, are quite used to getting feedback and making changes, even difficult ones, and that's a skill I think all writers need to develop. All of us have room for improvement, and for a more experienced eye. And most people I know, like me, would be delighted to have a big publisher even if it meant making changes.
And finally, I was also delighted with "pique" spelled correctly! I also try not to be snobby about it when I see it spelled incorrectly, but it does annoy me!
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