[poohbear_nc]

*ring ring ring*

"Allo! FedEx Customer Service. You'll get your package when we say so! What do you want?"

RT: "Hello. I am calling about my package, tracking #xxxxxxxxxx. Your website says you delivered it last week, but I didn't get it."

FE: "Let me check that for you on our accurate computer database. *clickety clickety clack* Yes - you are correct. Your package was delivered to you last Tuesday Mrs. Kooten, and you signed for it."

RT: "My name isn't Kooten."

FE: "Then why are you calling about Mrs. Kooten's package? It isn't YOUR package. It's her package, and she received it."

RT: "The package was addressed to Rumpelteazer, NOT to Kooten. Your driver delivered it to the wrong address."

FE: "But Mrs. Kooten accepted and signed for it! She wouldn't have done it if it wasn't HER package, would she?"

RT: "I don't know. I've never met Mrs. Kooten."

FE: "Then why did you have her sign for your package, Ms. Rumpelteazer? That is, if it really is YOUR package?"

RT: "I didn't have anybody sign for my package. Your driver delivered it to the wrong address."

FE: "If it was the wrong address, why would a total stranger sign for your package and keep it? Are you accusing Mrs. Kooten of being a thief? That's slander you know. You could get into a lot of trouble!"

RT: "Please transfer me to your supervisor."

FE: "Why? I've answered all of your questions. Are you trying to get me in trouble to cover up your mistakes?"

RT: "I want to speak to whoever is in charge there. NOW!"

FE: .................................................. .................

RT: "Hello?"

FE: .................................................. ...................

Operator: "We're sorry. You have been permanently disconnected from that number. Have a nice day."