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Feedback...
@rajensh2010 untitled
Please let me extend my welcome to you here in User Poetry.
First of all, the message behind your piece is beautiful. Your word imagery is exquisite and, as Geoff has already commented, your sentiments are wonderful!
The last line of your piece reads "Love Poems". Is this the title of the piece or is it actually the last line?
The way you have the piece laid out was a bit rough for me to keep any type of "flow" going. When writing free verse, structure -- that is, keeping a rigid set of lines or words per line, etc. -- isn't important. I hope you don't mind that I've done a quick rewrite to show you what I mean.
Love Poems
Two lives, two hearts -- joined together in friendship; united forever in love.
My mind is stuck in a dream where I'm as happy as can be.
Somewhere, you are always with me having fun and living free.
I go to this place whenever I'm sad because I know you are there and for that, I am glad.
I can't wait for you to be here because I love you and so my dream can finally come true.
All I want and need to complete my life is for you to become my wife.
Then we will be together and our love will last forever.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing.
@GeoffC It concerns you, not! ...
This is the type of open verse that is just vague enough to really appeal to me.
From a pure message pont of view, you couldn't be any clearer in your instructions to your reader -- "step right on by nothing of interest here;".
Your word imagery is consise, to the point and still compelling. To me, the piece breathes authority and a vivid sense of purpose.
Thank you, Geoff, for a wonderful and entertaining read!
Regards,
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