English isn't my native tongue, so perhaps the things I noticed are my errors, not yours, but perhaps it helps:
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Page 13 of 71
"I'm sure she is Mrs Berks.[..]"
|
Does he really want to say that she is Mrs Berks? Doesn't he want to say "I'm sure she is, Mrs Berks."?
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by page 20 of 71
In turn have damned yourself accept your judgement.
|
I can guess what this is supposed to mean, but is this really an english sentence?
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by page 42-42 of 71
Not being able to do anything except be dragged by the mysterious man. Sarah risked a look back[..]
|
The first sentence isn't one, probably the full stop should be a comma.
There also seem to be some spelling mistakes, etc. Having an editor look over the whole thing would probably be a really good idea...
The story itself is, imho, ok. Of course, it's nothing spectacular, as the basic premise has already been used more than once...