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Lycoming · 03-24-2011, 07:38 AM

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford...

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

A man and wife go into the dentist's office, the man says doc, I need to be out on the golf course with my buddies at 10am, it's 930am now, can you just get rid of this tooth, it's painful, but being in a hurry I want you to just pull it without novocaine, I can't afford to wait---and the dentist is amazed and says to the guy "I've been a dentist for twenty years and never saw such courage in my entire career! Which tooth is it, sir?" and the guy turns to his wife and says "Honey, open your mouth and show him which tooth is bothering you".

History's top 10 times for appropriate Use of the F-word:

10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the f*** are we?" – Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

AND ... Drum roll please ....

The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .......

"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009

03-24-2011, 07:38 AM	#2613
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford... "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake." A man and wife go into the dentist's office, the man says doc, I need to be out on the golf course with my buddies at 10am, it's 930am now, can you just get rid of this tooth, it's painful, but being in a hurry I want you to just pull it without novocaine, I can't afford to wait---and the dentist is amazed and says to the guy "I've been a dentist for twenty years and never saw such courage in my entire career! Which tooth is it, sir?" and the guy turns to his wife and says "Honey, open your mouth and show him which tooth is bothering you". History's top 10 times for appropriate Use of the F-word: 10th - "Scattered f*ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 9th - "How the f* did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th - "You want WHAT on the f*ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 7th - "Where did all those fing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877 6th - "It does so fing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926 5th - "Where the f* are we?" – Amelia Earhart, 1937 4th - "Any f*ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938 3rd - "What the f* was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945 2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f*ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963 AND ... Drum roll please .... The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ....... "Aw c'mon. Who the f* is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009 Last edited by Lycoming; 03-24-2011 at 07:41 AM.