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Originally Posted by wyndslash
yeah, that's sad. we're four siblings; i don't think anyone of us would feel good if we sent our parents to nursing homes. i guess in a way it would seem demeaning to them? i mean, my parents are as sharp as ever even at their age now, and even if they aren't, i think that between the 4 of us, we would work something out. we have to, or else we'd really feel as if we failed as children. i guess that's how we were raised; both my parents and their siblings took care of their own parents until the end, and both sets of my grandmothers died at home. it's not easy to take care of elderly folk; even my parents admitted that, but they would never trust someone else to take care of their own parents.
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My father died suddenly and without warning when I was 17. When my mother got cancer, I tried to get her to live with my wife and I, but she didn't want to leave her home, so I moved with her (with the kind permission of my wife). I continued to care for her until my sisters came in from another state and convinced me that she would probably feel more comfortable with a female caretaker, and one of them took her home to live out her days with her. In our family, it was never a case of who had to take care of our mother. It was a case of who got to cake care of her.
Likewise, when my mother-in-law got Alzheimer's, my wife would take her to our house every day to care for her, while her brother would take care of her in the evenings.
I can't fault those who seek recourse to a nursing home, for I haven't lived in their shoes, and I know there are things that nursing homes can provide that private caretakers can't. I'm just saying that's how we've always done things in our family.