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Originally Posted by natasha_fawn
In my experience sexuality and gender don't necessarily have a lot to do with each other. Transgendered people can be straight, gay, bi just like cisgendered folks.
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Agreed.
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I've known a couple of couples in which one partner went through a transition with the support of their partner and they remained together. (The love and support I saw in those relationships was something I think a lot of people could aspire to.) Unfortunately I think most transgendered folks are more likely to run into the problem your friend Callie had. But maybe that's just me being pessimistic.
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In the case of my friend Margaret, the transition was not something she and her ex-wife Alice could work through, and they split up. (The last time I spoke to Margaret, she said Alice was getting remarried, and was pleased to see it. The bigger concern was the effect on the kids, but both were teens at the time and apparently adjusted.)
Margaret was rather grimly amused at the interest she was getting from guys while she was still pre-op, which evaporated once she had the surgery. Well, no surprise there, either.
And I don't think you're being pessimistic. I wasn't surprised when I heard about Callie's dating issues, and couldn't really blame the prospects. It's easy enough to say "Oh, yeah, I'm cool with that" in the abstract. It's a lot harder when it's concrete, and you are attempting to deal with a trans-gendered person on a relationship level. I'm just pleased Callie was able to find a relationship in a time I considered short, all things considered. (Less than a year after transition, I believe.) And as far as I know, Callie had done her homework, and expected problems as part of the process. In many respects, the physical aspects of the change are the easy part.
When the transitioning individual is part of a couple, there's an additional set of stresses. My old friend Tom was married to Dana. Dana decided she really wanted to be male, which terminated that relationship. The last I heard, Dana had done so, though I haven't seen him since he was still her and have no idea how he's getting along these days. But the process badly damaged Tom. It's been decades, but in many respects, he's still in recovery. (As I understand it, he had family issues that left him fragile going in, and simply unable to cope with the stresses involved. He's made no attempt to find another relationship - I think he's terrified of the idea.)
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Dennis