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That sounds better for a last sentence.
The problem, as always, is that you have to balance giving people enough information to make them want to read the story without giving them so much information that they don't have to read the story. The exact point differs not only among stories but among readers. For example, two people looking at the exact same story might think, respectively, "wow, this is different" and "ho-hum, I read something like that last month", depending on their particular reading experiences. The more they've read, though, the higher the odds are that they fall into the second category (having read something more or less like that before) so you have to take that into consideration when you're trying to sell it to them.
Remember that sentence length is one way you communicate pacing. Look at my forum posts, for instance. I generally write them when I'm relaxed, feeling kind of mellow, etc., and the posts reflect that. I'm kind of notorious for paragraph-long sentences so complex that trying to diagram one would be almost as bad as trying to flowchart Windows. Short sentences would be different. They'd be sharper. More active. I'd write like Spenser talks. The private eye, that is, not the poet. That's not really me, though. I suspect I have this fear of not being properly understood unless I explain things at such length that nobody reads them and I am not, in fact, properly understood.
Anyway, for a teaser you don't want to mischaracterize your story -- that is, write like Spenser when the story is written like Worldwalker -- but you also want the teaser to be fast-moving and briefly summarize what you want to say, even if you do normally write like me. Again, it's a balancing act. Nobody can point to a particular spot, or particular style, and say "there!" because it differs so much for every story and for every reader. We can (and will, loudly) give suggestions, but the final decision has to be yours, because you know your writing and your audience the best.
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