In my opinion, you're putting quite a lot of information into only two paragraphs. A mother deserting her daughter. A grandma falling ill. A recovering alcoholic. An adopted dog. Fly fishing. An unexplained terrifying event. It's a bit much, in my humble opinion, for such a short description. I suggest choosing the one concept which is most important... and focusing only on that. If the story is mainly about fly fishing, I'd write a description that focuses more on fly fishing. Know what I mean? My $0.02.
|