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Old 01-25-2011, 07:55 PM   #8
Mayzshon
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Carolina
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randyflycaster View Post
Thanks so much for your comments. What about this version?

When her mother deserts her to be with a new man, Amanda is hurt and betrayed. She loses faith in the world. To soothe her pain, she retreats into fly fishing, until she learns that her loving grandmother has terminal cancer.

Amanda struggles to find answers. Then one day she discovers that her grandmother, against a doctor’s orders, went fishing. Frightened, Amanda, along with Shana, her adopted dog, and Vernon, a grieving alcoholic, searches the banks of the Junction River—but marches into an unexpected, terrifying event that, in a surprising way, helps her come to terms.
I think you're getting there. I think this sentence "Then one day she discovers that her grandmother, against a doctor’s orders, went fishing", needs a bit more punch. Did grandmother get lost? Or is it that she has a secret fishing spot that Amanda doesn't know where it is?
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