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Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other,
outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What
are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a
little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that
done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A Circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I
was born. Couldn't walk for a year
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually.'
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue ...
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes
home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband
comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start
swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing
until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came
home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and
swished, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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