[Stitchawl]

OBAMA DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA Cities of
Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency
joint session of Congress yesterday, President Obama announced
US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American
history, will provide the region with the critically needed
letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian
names more pronounceable. "For six years, we have stood by while
names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly
butchered by millions around the world," Obama said. "Today,
the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It is
time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their
incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in
this noble endeavor." The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel
Storm by the State Department, is set for early next week, with
the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the
first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying
over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air
Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the
cities.Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival
of the vowels. "My God, I do not think we can last another
day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have six children and none
of them has a name that is understandable to me or to anyone
else. Mr. Obama, please send my poor, wretched family just
one 'E.' Please." Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With
just a few key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is
my dream." The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any
letter to a foreign country since 1984. During the summer of
that year, the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia,
providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital,
life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.
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