I would agree with your analysis. The first one is a list of things in virtue of which she has let them down, the second item on that list does not need to be made a separate sentence. The author might have a point though - what effect does the writing have on you, is that effect consistent with what is being portrayed, (for example, a writer might write confusingly, which might evoke in you a sense of confusion, which might be consistent with the confusion experienced by one of the characters being portrayed).
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