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Worldwalker, like it or not fanfiction is a predominantly female space. The interlocking fanfiction communities do not marginalise women's voices, or punish women for expressing themselves openly about their identities, their fears or their desires in their writing. Women get to be fannish together, and to discuss the serial comma together, and to have conversations in which gender is irrelevant - but they also get to have conversations, and write stories, that they WOULD NOT HAVE if they weren't in a safe space, where they are not the minority.
Now, fanfiction is certainly not all about sex - but a lot of it DOES deal with sex and desire. That business of women (of all ages, ethnicities and orientations) exploring intimacy and desire is a major component of fanfic, and it's the bit that tends to freak out archives. The AO3 are not going to freak out about it, and are not embarrassed or ashamed of it. They're certainly not saying everyone has to write hot Snape-on-squid porn, but they're saying that if you want to do that, they've got your back.
Men don't need a safe space in which to talk about sex and sexuality without fear of being stigmatised, because THE WHOLE WORLD is already set up to prioritise the male perspective on desire.
... I think that perhaps what the AO3 team are saying, and what you're hearing, aren't quite the same thing.
You seem to be hearing: "GIRLS' CLUBHOUSE! NO BOYS ALLOWED! BOYS SUCK!"
Whereas they seem to me to be saying: "Girls built this clubhouse, and girls are definitely welcome here."
It's a little bit like someone in the middle of a predominantly Jewish area building a Kosher deli & coffee shop, and making it clear on the sign that they keep kosher. That isn't a secret code for "Fuck off, all non-Jews!" That's just telling me that they keep kosher, and that their coffee shop is a safe place for people who keep kosher to come and hang out. But I am still totally welcome to go and buy a coffee and a bagel, and sit and chat, and play chess, and become a regular, even if I'm an Atheist or Catholic or Hindu or Muslim or whatever - so long as I'm not going to go around insulting kosher food and grumbling that Hitler had the right idea, and telling the owners that obviously Jews don't know the first thing about how to run a proper coffee shop. 'Cause they already told me on the door that they built this particular coffee shop, and that keeping kosher is of fundamental importance to them, and so they won't be changing that to pander to me, when there are already several million other places out there where I can happily consume non-kosher food.
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