Thanks WW, but AFAIK working with the iDevices is different from other devices because you can't just ship the files over to them. You have to go through some Apple-controlled intermediary (iTunes) or set up the reader on the iDevice (Stanza for example) to pull them down in some way -- in this case Calibre sets up a WWW server on the desktop machine for that purpose. That's where the complexities seem to lie.
But... the good news:
I took your suggestion of using the Welcome Wizard to do the setup for iPhone/iPad, told it to turn on the server, and voila! Stanza on the iPhone now sees the server and the books, and I can download and read them! Problem is, I have no idea what specific settings caused the problems in the first place.
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