Quote:
Originally Posted by meromana
"Richard, yanked back and forth by the wind, his body, rocking violently from the tiny pieces of rubble relentlessly smashing into him."
Yeah, this is an incomplete sentence, and that's a definite problem, but beyond that, there's some serious nit-picking going on here. Maybe that's what you were looking for with this post, but at some point, the author's voice is important, too, and some people will like it the way you have it.
I, for example, loved this opening line: "Had only she and Richard survived?"
To me, it clearly placed us in the woman's POV, and I knew immediately it was some sort of disaster situation, which made me want to find out more. Furthermore, it was spoken the way most of us would think it. "Richard and she" is very formal and not the way people think in a crisis situation.
My point is, don't take any single critique too seriously. If 20 people say, "This line sucks," it probably does, but don't edit your writing to the point that it is no longer your writing.
--Maria
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Thank you, well said. I think I posted this in the first place because, intuitively, something inside me knew I wasn't happy with the opening. I have recieved some good advice and now I have to just go with what I feel is right for me.