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JeremyZ · 08-17-2010, 11:11 AM

Wow, thanks everyone. Just to clear a few things up:

I didn't do it behind my wife's back. I mentioned it to her, she said: "No." regarding house money. I said: "OK, then I will use my play money." and she said "Fine." So she knows. My friend knows also, as I sent him an email yesterday asking him to warn other people off of this potential gift.
clintbradford - While I appreciate that you're trying to give me advice to help my marriage, I'm not really looking for marital advice here. We have a system that works, so it would not be smart to change it for something that someone else considers right. We are the ones who are married to each other. The house money/play money system works well for a lot of people. I heard it from a 70+ year old man on the GlockTalk forum. It had worked well for him and his wife for decades. She couldn't veto another gun purchase of his, and he can't forbid her from buying another purse or pair of shoes. Plus, there is always money to pay the bills, for home improvement, and for saving. It is a way to keep some individual freedom in the marriage. We each get a certain amount from each paycheck and the rest goes to the house account. Before we did this, we were always fighting over money. She likes to save and only rarely spend hers. I like to spend mine on stuff that makes me happy. I don't need a lot of money in the bank to feel secure. If we didn't do this, we'd be at each other's throats. If you think that is unhealthy, I don't really care. It works for us. We've been happily married for 6 years, and we are happier each year. Everyone should be so unhealthy. Also, it is worth noting that all of our accounts are joint accounts. In an ideal world, spouses would agree on every purchase. But it just doesn't work that way in reality. Something like 90% of all marital disagreements are over money. Best to remove that source of disagreement in a mature way. (whatever is agreed upon and whatever works!)
Regarding the her as a former lover/crush thing, you're sure reaching a lot there. I have known my friend for 21 years, but I have only known his wife since they've been married 4 years ago. I was already happily married, so yes, you are off-base.
I'm sure you're right that it makes my wife a little uncomfortable. But sometimes, she has to just be uncomfortable and trust me. It works the other way around also.
Someone made a good point that I had not considered my friend's feelings. He is pretty self secure, I don't think he will have a problem with it. If he does, he will surely let me know, and I'll cancel the pre-order.
Yes, it was intended as an act of kindness and nothing else. A way to make her 40th B-day special for a good reason.

08-17-2010, 11:11 AM	#16
JeremyZ Addict Posts: 303 Karma: 1000702 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Chicago Device: Nook ST, Kindle 2, Samsung Galaxy Stellar phone	Wow, thanks everyone. Just to clear a few things up: I didn't do it behind my wife's back. I mentioned it to her, she said: "No." regarding house money. I said: "OK, then I will use my play money." and she said "Fine." So she knows. My friend knows also, as I sent him an email yesterday asking him to warn other people off of this potential gift. clintbradford - While I appreciate that you're trying to give me advice to help my marriage, I'm not really looking for marital advice here. We have a system that works, so it would not be smart to change it for something that someone else considers right. We are the ones who are married to each other. The house money/play money system works well for a lot of people. I heard it from a 70+ year old man on the GlockTalk forum. It had worked well for him and his wife for decades. She couldn't veto another gun purchase of his, and he can't forbid her from buying another purse or pair of shoes. Plus, there is always money to pay the bills, for home improvement, and for saving. It is a way to keep some individual freedom in the marriage. We each get a certain amount from each paycheck and the rest goes to the house account. Before we did this, we were always fighting over money. She likes to save and only rarely spend hers. I like to spend mine on stuff that makes me happy. I don't need a lot of money in the bank to feel secure. If we didn't do this, we'd be at each other's throats. If you think that is unhealthy, I don't really care. It works for us. We've been happily married for 6 years, and we are happier each year. Everyone should be so unhealthy. Also, it is worth noting that all of our accounts are joint accounts. In an ideal world, spouses would agree on every purchase. But it just doesn't work that way in reality. Something like 90% of all marital disagreements are over money. Best to remove that source of disagreement in a mature way. (whatever is agreed upon and whatever works!) Regarding the her as a former lover/crush thing, you're sure reaching a lot there. I have known my friend for 21 years, but I have only known his wife since they've been married 4 years ago. I was already happily married, so yes, you are off-base. I'm sure you're right that it makes my wife a little uncomfortable. But sometimes, she has to just be uncomfortable and trust me. It works the other way around also. Someone made a good point that I had not considered my friend's feelings. He is pretty self secure, I don't think he will have a problem with it. If he does, he will surely let me know, and I'll cancel the pre-order. Yes, it was intended as an act of kindness and nothing else. A way to make her 40th B-day special for a good reason.