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Know what would be really cool?
To actually still be alive and old enough to remember who Flash Gordon is!
Tom remembers when history books were one page pamphlets.
Older than dirt and he still has his wits about him.
At least until Norton runs away again.
Poor Norton.
That short and his master's huevos are still eye level.
He probably would really, really like to nip them.
Probably knows it would take a week for the pain to reach working grey matter.
Poor Norton.
Why would you "nip it in the bud?"
Biting a friend is rarely productive.
I really wonder why people bother to say stuff if they aren't gonna think it through.
Like "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"
Handle a bird and you're gonna get avian flu.
And if you got two in the bush, you've got some serious hygeine problems.
Trouser monkeys.
They are a bitch to get rid of.
Always check your trousers when you travel.
Unless you travel without trousers.
Check them when you get home.
There are some strange people out there who wouldn't hesitate to do obscene things in your trousers while you are away.
Ever been away?
I have.
I didn't wanna go.
I got sent away.
Wasn't no vacation, let me tell you!
Know what today is?
The 113th anniversary of the Scottish Trouser Riots.
Imagine fighting about wearing pants.
Two decades of additional bloodshed over zipping them up.
In the end, it was all worth it.
At least the sheep were finally safe(r).
You know what would be cool?
Opera riots.
I'ed go see one of those.
You know who you never see together?
Eric and Julia Roberts.
I'm starting to think there's only one of them, and it isn't a girl.
"Julia" needs a body wax and all "her" boyfriends walk around like they got bad hemorrhoids.
I bet hemorrhoids cause more "'roid rage" incidents than steroids.
If my butt hurts, I would happily kick a baby.
It's okay. I would only kick other people's babies.
I'm not a monster.
Coffee?
It's perking!
perkaperkaperkaperkaperkaperkaperkaperkaperkaperka !
Always room for coffee.
I'm gonna go pee to make extra room.
I wonder if I can post while peeing?
Hey! I can!
I am good!
Shake. Tuck. Zip. Flushorama!
Try that with a pc, you mamby pamby technogerbils!
Yeah!
Kiss my Kindle!
Coffee's done!
Be back in a flash!
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