MobileRead Forums - View Single Post - What If the South Had Airpower?--New Historical Novel

Worldwalker · 08-02-2010, 01:23 AM

Since I've been involved in this discussion, and since I'm interested in both AH stories and the American Civil War, I decided that instead of criticizing the author's behavior, I should read his writing. Well, I've gotten 20 pages into the Smashwords sample. I tried to read it with unbiased eyes, but to be coldly honest: it is not well-written. There is a reason this book is self-published, and not a good one.

I'll leave out the details of the grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and meaning errors, plus brutal abuse of the past perfect tense; I'm not feeling that nit-picky tonight. Suffice it to say that the proofreader should be blamed, not credited. A much bigger issue is the writing itself. There is no kind way to put this: it is dull. It is deadly dull. There is, early on, what is intended to be a tense confrontation, but the scene instead nearly put me to sleep. The main character is described through the old (but never good) technique of him inventorying his body parts in front of a mirror. There are infodumps galore as the author shows off his knowledge of military history and biography. Characters are introduced via page-long recitations of their resumes. The phonetic rendering of dialect is nearly incomprehensible. The prose is often clumsy and awkward, seeming very amateurish, and there are things like that strange "wet hen" comment. I wouldn't call the book unreadable, but I'm certainly not finding it very enjoyable. If the novel continues as it has begun, I would have to describe it as an 80,000-word story squeezed into 440,000 words.

In short, although there may be a good story buried in there somewhere, I have not been convinced that it is worth my while to exhume it.

08-02-2010, 01:23 AM	#12
Worldwalker Curmudgeon Posts: 3,085 Karma: 722357 Join Date: Feb 2010 Device: PRS-505	Since I've been involved in this discussion, and since I'm interested in both AH stories and the American Civil War, I decided that instead of criticizing the author's behavior, I should read his writing. Well, I've gotten 20 pages into the Smashwords sample. I tried to read it with unbiased eyes, but to be coldly honest: it is not well-written. There is a reason this book is self-published, and not a good one. I'll leave out the details of the grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and meaning errors, plus brutal abuse of the past perfect tense; I'm not feeling that nit-picky tonight. Suffice it to say that the proofreader should be blamed, not credited. A much bigger issue is the writing itself. There is no kind way to put this: it is dull. It is deadly dull. There is, early on, what is intended to be a tense confrontation, but the scene instead nearly put me to sleep. The main character is described through the old (but never good) technique of him inventorying his body parts in front of a mirror. There are infodumps galore as the author shows off his knowledge of military history and biography. Characters are introduced via page-long recitations of their resumes. The phonetic rendering of dialect is nearly incomprehensible. The prose is often clumsy and awkward, seeming very amateurish, and there are things like that strange "wet hen" comment. I wouldn't call the book unreadable, but I'm certainly not finding it very enjoyable. If the novel continues as it has begun, I would have to describe it as an 80,000-word story squeezed into 440,000 words. In short, although there may be a good story buried in there somewhere, I have not been convinced that it is worth my while to exhume it.