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Dear Sir/Madam/Undecided,
This is to inform you that I will not be participating in your scheduled inspection. Sadly, I will not be able to afford you access, because your last Inspector felt up my cat. I cannot be a party to such activity and am barring you from any attempt at another inspection.
Might I suggest that if you feel you must inspect something, you grab a torch, climb into your own colon and inspect that.
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