EBook of Ulysses, by James Joyce

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THE SIGHTSEERS:  (DYING) MORITURI TE SALUTANT. (THEY DIE)

(A MAN IN A BROWN MACINTOSH SPRINGS UP THROUGH A TRAPDOOR.  HE POINTS AN
ELONGATED FINGER AT BLOOM.)

THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH:  Don’t you believe a word he says.  That man is
Leopold M’Intosh, the notorious fireraiser.  His real name is Higgins.

BLOOM:  Shoot him!  Dog of a christian!  So much for M’Intosh!

(A CANNONSHOT.  THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH DISAPPEARS.  BLOOM WITH HIS
SCEPTRE STRIKES DOWN POPPIES.  THE INSTANTANEOUS DEATHS OF MANY POWERFUL
ENEMIES, GRAZIERS, MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT, MEMBERS OF STANDING COMMITTEES,
ARE REPORTED. BLOOM’S BODYGUARD DISTRIBUTE MAUNDY MONEY, COMMEMORATION
MEDALS, LOAVES AND FISHES, TEMPERANCE BADGES, EXPENSIVE HENRY CLAY
CIGARS, FREE COWBONES FOR SOUP, RUBBER PRESERVATIVES IN SEALED ENVELOPES
TIED WITH GOLD THREAD, BUTTER SCOTCH, PINEAPPLE ROCK, billets doux IN THE
FORM OF COCKED HATS, READYMADE SUITS, PORRINGERS OF TOAD IN THE HOLE,
BOTTLES OF JEYES’ FLUID, PURCHASE STAMPS, 40 DAYS’ INDULGENCES, SPURIOUS
COINS, DAIRYFED PORK SAUSAGES, THEATRE PASSES, SEASON TICKETS AVAILABLE
FOR ALL TRAMLINES, COUPONS OF THE ROYAL AND PRIVILEGED HUNGARIAN LOTTERY,
PENNY DINNER COUNTERS, CHEAP REPRINTS OF THE WORLD’S TWELVE WORST BOOKS: 
FROGGY AND FRITZ (POLITIC), CARE OF THE BABY (INFANTILIC), 50 MEALS FOR
7/6 (CULINIC), WAS JESUS A SUN MYTH? (HISTORIC), EXPEL THAT PAIN (MEDIC),
INFANT’S COMPENDIUM OF THE UNIVERSE (COSMIC), LET’S ALL CHORTLE
(HILARIC), CANVASSER’S VADE MECUM (JOURNALIC), LOVELETTERS OF MOTHER
ASSISTANT (EROTIC), WHO’S WHO IN SPACE (ASTRIC), SONGS THAT REACHED OUR
HEART (MELODIC), PENNYWISE’S WAY TO WEALTH (PARSIMONIC).  A GENERAL RUSH
AND SCRAMBLE.  WOMEN PRESS FORWARD TO TOUCH THE HEM OF BLOOM’S ROBE.  THE
LADY GWENDOLEN DUBEDAT BURSTS THROUGH THE THRONG, LEAPS ON HIS HORSE AND
KISSES HIM ON BOTH CHEEKS AMID GREAT ACCLAMATION.  A MAGNESIUM FLASHLIGHT
PHOTOGRAPH IS TAKEN.  BABES AND SUCKLINGS ARE HELD UP.)

THE WOMEN:  Little father!  Little father!

THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS: 

    Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home,
    Cakes in his pocket for Leo alone.


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