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Old 09-07-2010, 02:05 PM   #1
ardeegee
New Musicians of Bremen
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No history whatsoever

Heads-up to William Gibson fans that Zero History was released today!

http://www.amazon.com/Zero-History-ebook/dp/B003ZUXXBA

http://ebookstore.sony.com/ebook/wil...00000000262356
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Old 09-07-2010, 05:18 PM   #2
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What the hell is going on here?

I've started reading Zero History Zero and it is fracking filled with unneeded commas. So many that it is constantly pulling me out of the story. One example out of many:

"Someone, within the silent, apparently closed building, rapped sharply, once, on plate glass, perhaps with a ring."

When of course it would have read better as:

"Someone within the silent, apparently closed building rapped sharply, once, on plate glass, perhaps with a ring."

Or even

"Someone within the silent, apparently closed building rapped once sharply on plate glass, perhaps with a ring."

If that was the only example in the book, that would be nitpicking, but they are everywhere.

Major editing fail.
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Old 09-07-2010, 06:56 PM   #3
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At least that's what it shows for me.
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Old 09-07-2010, 06:59 PM   #4
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Perhaps because of my tendency to stilt my own prose with commas, I do not find that sentence to be overdone with them. It gives a measure of paused thought processes to the person perceiving the scene.

Of course, saying this, I have no idea of the context nor of how repetitive it may be. I can conceive the possibility of me being bumped-out if the entire text kept giving me such pause(s).

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 09-07-2010, 07:01 PM   #5
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Ouch. The Amazon edition in Canada is $14.82. Is it extra for all the commas, I wonder?
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Old 09-07-2010, 07:48 PM   #6
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New Musicians of Bremen
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Ouch. The Amazon edition in Canada is $14.82. Is it extra for all the commas, I wonder?
Well, in fairness, you get 10,760 of them.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:42 AM   #7
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This title is not available for customers from:
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At least that's what it shows for me.
Shows this for me as well. Perhaps it was taken down to correct the comma issue? Or was it never available in the U.S.?
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:48 AM   #8
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I think there should be another comma after 'closed'.
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:56 AM   #9
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It's available in the UK Amazon Kindle store, but it's awfully expensive at £9.99.
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Old 09-08-2010, 12:33 PM   #10
ardeegee
New Musicians of Bremen
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A couple of more sentences that caught my eye last night.:

"Everything was repackaged, in variously sized featureless white gelatin capsules, which he was forbidden to open."

"He'd pushed the empty white bubble-pack, with its tiny, precisely handwritten notations of date and hour, in purple ink, far down into the seatback pocket.

Also noticed one long sentence fragment, similar to the one in the "would you keep reading" thread over in Self-Promotions. I don't know what happened with this book, but the editor really failed at his job.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:02 PM   #11
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http://www.amazon.com/Zero-History-e...3965344&sr=1-1
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Old 09-08-2010, 09:22 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ardeegee View Post
A couple of more sentences that caught my eye last night.:
...
Ahh...well...okay, that certainly gives me pause.

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 09-08-2010, 10:53 PM   #13
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Personally, I'd be more worried about the adjectives.
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Old 09-09-2010, 02:15 AM   #14
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Kobo Canada for $14.79. The $2 off coupon Kobodesktop works on it. It's good through the 14th.
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Old 09-09-2010, 05:21 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ardeegee View Post
A couple of more sentences that caught my eye last night.:

"Everything was repackaged, in variously sized featureless white gelatin capsules, which he was forbidden to open."

"He'd pushed the empty white bubble-pack, with its tiny, precisely handwritten notations of date and hour, in purple ink, far down into the seatback pocket.

Also noticed one long sentence fragment, similar to the one in the "would you keep reading" thread over in Self-Promotions. I don't know what happened with this book, but the editor really failed at his job.
Can't see anything wrong with these two sentences myself... the first one you quoted was a bit too much, yes, but not these two IMO. I could read the same sentences with less commas, but I might have to go back and re-read to get the structure and meaning right. The commas make it easier to read for me.

The trouble is, once you've started noticing a thing like that in a book, you might become obsessed with it. I can relate to that
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