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Old 05-21-2010, 02:44 PM   #61
Ralph Sir Edward
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Originally Posted by dsvick View Post
Consider the motion thirded! And Ralph, we want to see yours as well. If we add Red's commentary and all the submitted "creative" solutions, will this be the definitive edition? The directors cut? The unabridged version?
The "High Aroma" edition?
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Old 05-21-2010, 02:48 PM   #62
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Thanks to the inestimable (Unestimible? Inestimably? Unmentionable? Aw... doubleplusgood) help of Ravenne, I can now post my solution, presented in the voice of Rock Lobster himself. This is how I imagined he solved the case:

*****

“The key,” I went on, “was Verencat’s statement that there were ten moderators in the room. And based on PilotBob’s statement, the only moderator missing at the moment of the murder was Neko.”

"So..." Netseeker kindly did the math. "There are eleven of us?"

"Well, what does that prove?" NatCh snapped.

"I'm starting to get a handle on how you jokers think," I explained. "For instance, that although Verencat said there were ten moderators in the room... at the moment of the killing, there were actually twelve people in the room."

"Anyone got a calculator?" DaleDe asked. Nate immediately whipped something out of his pocket, and began thumb-typing furiously.

I continued, ignoring the interruption. “Including the soon-to-be stiff, the ten moderators were here. But one of them was here… twice!

“Twice?” everyone repeated.

“Twice,” I replied smugly. “Thanks to that temporal thingie you all seem to be so familiar with. It would allow one of you to go back in time and commit the murder, with the incidental result of there being two of you here at the same time. Including pshrynk, that made twelve.” I looked at Verencat, but she turned away quickly, and I knew why.

Everyone looked to Nate. After a moment, he looked up and did one of those outrageous shrugs. "Checks out."

“But who?” Zippy demanded. “Who did it?”

"The killer was MTravelerH."

Across the room, a compass fell to the floor. MTravelerH blustered a moment, then said, “Preposterous!"

“You did not just say that,” Patricia smirked.

"Not at all," I stated. "Uh… I mean, yes, he did, and not at all is it preposterous. You happened to be closest to the stiff, pre-stiffened, as you were cleaning the cases... he was busy prying one open, and believed that you were too busy on another case to have noticed. Noticed you had, but you pretended not to."

"And why would I do that?"

"So that you could be conveniently looking elsewhere when, minutes later, you would go back in time to that precise moment. Verencat saw you there, but tried to hide the truth from me by being clever… in fact, her chasing Nate’s string probably took a part in distracting PilotBob and DaleDe from noticing the extra you in the room. In the meantime, future-you waited until past-you wasn’t looking, snatched the crowbar from pshrynk's hands, and bashed him with it!"

“You have no proof that I did that,” MtravelerH stated simply.

“No?” I said, flipping to another page of notes. This notepad was getting a workout today. “But what I do have is a comment you made, quote: ‘It can become so tedious at times with all of this spatio-temporal transpositioning going on.’ Unquote.”

“So? Zippy—uh, Zelda said she went back and cleaned the crowbar!”

“True… but Zippy mentioned her backwards jaunt to me after I spoke to you, and I mentioned it just now. You mentioned it first--back on page one.

MTravelerH started to work his mouth open and closed, looking much like the average beached trout… and his eyes were wide enough to make Nate’s eyes look squinty. And everyone else was now squinting at MTravelerH with contempt… well, maybe not contempt, but obvious satisfaction that the guilty party had been made.

“But why would Verencat hide the truth?” Neko asked.

“Well--” I started, before being forced to dance to the left and cut off MTravelerH as he sidled towards the door. “Adrian!” I shouted, pointing at the culprit. “Sit on ‘em!”

I started to reply to Neko’s answer then, when MTravelerH suddenly bolted in the other direction. Before he could escape, I cut him off and slapped the red button on the wall. At once, walls folded and unfolded, lights strobed, a miniature sperm whale briefly appeared and disappeared, and my hat popped off my head in a sudden decompression of the room.

When everything had settled down, I looked around. MTravelerH was trapped inside a transparent column, thumping the walls with his fists and screaming silently to be let out. Verencat was also inside, slumped listlessly against the wall.

“I do like that button of yours,” I smiled for the first time all day.

“What’s Verencat doing in there?” Neko asked.

“Oh, please,” DaleDe replied for me. “Like it isn’t obvious. She was helping MTravelerH because… they were lovers!”

“No!” Netseeker goggled. Then he looked critically at the two of them. “Really?”

“Uh… no,” I said. “More likely, MTravelerH saw her notice him, and bribed her to keep quiet. A few more pieces of string to play with ought to have been enough, I’d say.”

I turned to Zippy then. “Well, I believe that just about wraps it up.” I moved closer to her and lowered my voice. “And listen, doll… although I’m sure Turcic has already snagged my fee, I’d be happy to give you a little extra attention… eh?” Zippy looked at me through narrowed eyes. “Consider it a bonus,” I added. “I know I would.”

She responded by slapping the red button.

Dames. Go figure.

Careful Steve, you BB is showing.....
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Old 05-21-2010, 02:52 PM   #63
Ralph Sir Edward
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And to keep all you readers sitting on the edge of a chair (or throne), here is half the afterword from Red.


Afterword by Red - Red's Office.

I'm busy shootin' FDR, as usual when Mindy comes in, waving her liseuse.

"Red, I've got some bad news."

"Another client check bounced?"

"Worse than that. Your favorite client is two-timing you."

"Now Mindy, I never hog-tie a lady. If Her Majesty wants to date around, that's her business."

"Who's talking about dating? She hired another P.I.!"

That got me bolt upright. Money's a serious matter, especially after all the paperwork I'd done for the kingdom.

"What's the lowdown?"

"She hired Rock Lobster down the hall."

"That refugee from a shoplifting line-up? JC and the Boys! I knew they were havin' problems in the Euro zone, but I didn't think Pinwheel was that hard up. Where's the scoop?"

"Here, read it for yourself." Mindy handed me the liseuse.

I grabbed the liseuse and started perusing...


The first chapter got my blood boilin'. I'd seen Her Majesty slink down the hall incognito a few days ago, but I figgered if she needed me, she'd ask. I don't crowd clients, especially ones obviously undercover. Blowin' up all the evidence, my eye! I hadn't blown up anything. The bad guys had done all the blowin' up. I had just arranged it so their feet had been tied to their detenators, so to speak.

Noisy pistol? A .22 with a silencer shootin' BB Caps, heard through 4 walls? Glass to the wall? Rocky must have a Big Ear taped to the wall to hear my shootin' Besides, a guy slopin' down a rope all the time to avoid the landlord has a lot of room to complain about the neighbors.

Hmm....That got things bubbling in the the ol' pea brain. Rocky had been here only for a couple of years. I wonder if he'd been planted there by Ralph von Wau Wau just before the Coprolite caper. The timing was right. Have to ask VR about it. Maybe he knew about the Big Ear setup then, and that was why he insisted on goin' outside...And the money ran out when Ralph did, leavin' Rocky trying to make ends meet the hard way....

I got on the intercom.

"Mindy, see of you can schedule a meeting with VR. It's just a social meetin'. Second, contact Detective Sledge Hammer at the LAPD and see if he'll sell the plan or a copy of his loudinator to me. Finally, get some bids to double soundproof the wall facing Rocky's office with white noise generators on the outside of the soundproofin'."

"Right, Boss."

I got back to the e-book...
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:24 PM   #64
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Congrats to all the winners!!! I just got home from a boooooring meeting and this thread just made my day. Glad to see so many happy faces here

Please note that so far only the winners of the 4 main prizes have been notified by pm.

@all others: we'll send you a pm and tell you what info we need from you to get your vouchers.



Congrats, Rich-D! Yes, you're amongst our winners. You accidentally gave us R_Dollish as your user name.
Thanks! I must have been overly excited about having solved the mystery and didn't realize what I was typing!
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:39 PM   #65
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Excellent! Thank you!

"You may call me DE" my contact whispered deep from within the shadows of the alley. All I could make out was his trench coat and the glowing ember from his cigarette. In the distance I could hear a car approaching. DE spoke again "The answers you seek can be found at the ebook deposit..." he was cut off as headlights panned across the dark alley. I turned back to him and he was gone but I noticed a scrap of paper with strange writing "HWA2RCSN7W". I had a feeling that if I could crack the code, I'd finally have the answers I needed.
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:41 PM   #66
Steven Lyle Jordan
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Careful Steve, you BB is showing.....
BB only exists... when someone is looking for him.
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:43 PM   #67
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Congrats to all the winners, and thanks to everyone who organized this. It was a lot of fun
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:51 PM   #68
zelda_pinwheel
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And to keep all you readers sitting on the edge of a chair (or throne), here is half the afterword from Red.
yay !!!

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Originally Posted by Rich_D View Post
Thanks! I'll think about it!

The dame with the legs walked into my office, shutting my door behind her. "I've been thinking about you all night" she purred seductively as she crossed to my office window and lowered the blinds. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" She sat on the corner of my desk and poured her self 2 fingers of scotch. Hmmm great wheels and good taste, I thought to myself as she eyed me like a cat eyeing a caged canary. Then she started in with the compliments, but I knew what she was after. She wanted the clue I found last night.
i can't wait to read the full story !

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Originally Posted by beppe View Post
Ah, what a joy.

But first of all let me copy and paste what Chicken Dear has already posted above

"Thank you MR for having the contest and selecting my entry as "outstandingly entertaining" - this is the VERY first contest I've ever won - ironically by not winning. Oh well - I'll take it!"

This expresses almost exactly my feelings. "Ironically" does not apply in my case and should be substituted by "Fortituously" as I did not even read the script except the Verencat scene. It was too difficult for me to envision the details, imagine to remember the names. .

But the great Zeldissima came in my help with a beautiful and quite effective suggestion. Pick one up at random, you have one chance in ten. Or something like that, with more grace and class I am sure. So I picked up Verencat that is the one in the bunch that I know. I know also il pinguino Roberto but he is too good to do anything out of the law and Zelda is too busy spreading around charm and good moods. Verencat ... My subconscious did the rest. And as always he was right. Thank you subconscious.we'll go to bed soon.

So here is my email that demonstrates that culture pays. Ah

"My username is beppe

My solution is

Verencat

Reason: She's the one to get excited by the strings. The strings wrap
up in the clue. That why she wants them out of the way.
It comes from the ancient Greek myth of the Labyrinth where the hero
Theseus used a clew, or ball of twine, to solve the Minotaur's
labyrinth.

regards

beppe"

P.S.The funny thing is that I do not even feel ashamed of having written this.

P.P.S: The strings is one of those things that keep popping up in the treads, like destiny of mankind, supremacy of this over that, you fatso, no differently slim, you cretin, no differently intelligent, blah blah,... without any idea of what these things are, ... that my subconscious, poor simpleton soul that he is, did not let the occasion to slip by. Thank you again subconscious.we'll go to bed real soon. Just let me say good bye.

What to add?

I am quite excited of being together a bunch of classy members among whom my dear friends:

poohbear
SneakySnake
WT Sharpe

Vamos amigos!

Last but not least the joy of seeing my good friend GeoffC win the jackpot. This demonstrates the magical and metaphysical Power of the Avatar. And some hidden meaning in friendship. That's for you, parrot
oh beppe, it's reactions like this that make it all worth it ! and i have to say, i like the sound of "zeldissima", you can call me that whenever you want.
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:58 PM   #69
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When you need international intrigue and a dame willing to do all the wetwork you call Red. When you need pictures of in flagrante or confusatory narrative, you call me.

Congrats to the winners. I'm available to investigate the process for all the losers.

$50 a day plus expenses.
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:58 PM   #70
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:
oh beppe, it's reactions like this that make it all worth it ! and i have to say, i like the sound of "ZIPPISSIMA", you can call me that whenever you want.
Fixed your post, Zippy
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:59 PM   #71
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zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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Fixed your post, Zippy
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Old 05-21-2010, 04:01 PM   #72
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zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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When you need international intrigue and a dame willing to do all the wetwork you call Red. When you need pictures of in flagrante or confusatory narrative, you call me.

Congrats to the winners. I'm available to investigate the process for all the losers.

$50 a day plus expenses.
is that the special mobileread member rate ?
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Old 05-21-2010, 04:01 PM   #73
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Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah!
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So why didn't anyone show up at my funeral? I sat in that barcalounger for hours! Not even a daisy!
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Old 05-21-2010, 04:03 PM   #74
Bilbo1967
Not scared!
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So why didn't anyone show up at my funeral? I sat in that barcalounger for hours! Not even a daisy!
We all had a great time at the wake though. Weren't you invited?
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Old 05-21-2010, 04:05 PM   #75
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When books can fly!
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THREE CHEERS FOR THE GREEN MACHINE ! ! !

I don't remember having had this much unbridled fun on these pages. I've laughed so much at times that I really thought I might join NatCh in the injured spleen brigade...

And congratulations to the winners and mostly to those who found the solution. I stopped tracking the killer at some point just happy to have a laugh...


Alex! .... thank you...
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