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Old 05-02-2010, 10:58 PM   #1
ChrisC333
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Thumbs up Hot New Device Announcement

Hi all,

Following the sad news that the Courier and HP Slate have both gone to vapourware heaven. I’m please to announce that work has begun on what will undoubtedly be THE most sought after Hot Device of the decade.


After extensive on-line Market Research, running into many minutes, my design team has identified a massive target demographic that is currently not getting the machine it deserves.


We now fully understand that what the consumers of the 21st century are crying out for is not some dull grey thing to read Pride and Prejudice for the 47th time, because only the Wrinklies have the attention span to plough through anything with whole paragraphs in, let alone chapters (whatever they are....). What’s demanded now is a Thrusting Full Colour Action Machine for on-line arguing and short video clip consumption. The “FlameMaster” will come with pre-installed links to 10,000 pointless on-line flame wars (heavily featuring all the popular Gaming and Tech sites). Also pre-installed will be another 10,000 links to allegedly amusing Youtube hits and a comprehensive range of porn sites, thus allowing the same device to be easily rebadged as the "YukYukMaster".

The space saved by not including some dumb built in dictionary will be taken up by a database of several thousand insults, put-downs, negative comments and offensive icons - all easily available at a single press of the convenient Random Abuse Button. RABbing is set to become the new debating. In case the device ever falls into the wrong hands, two supportive comments will be included. LOL. Everybody can play Beat-on-the-Bunny if anybody is lame enough to use them.


Other top design features include building at least one deliberate fault into 5 out of every 10 machines made and providing a completely un-monitored forum for the owners to then divide into Fanboys and Haters and happily scream at each other until doomsday.


Marketing too, will be innovative and guaranteed to generate publicity. An IQ test will be administered at all point of sale outlets and anybody who passes it will be barred from buying one. However, if the refusal causes them to behave in a sufficiently offensive and juvenile manner, the ban will be immediately lifted and they will be welcomed warmly into the FlameMaster Family.


The first units are expected to be exceedingly hard to get, so pre-order deposits are now being taken. Your money will be held with maximum security until the target figure is reached, at which point I may be temporarily unavailable as the next phase is implemented. Full refunds are guaranteed to anybody with sufficient tracking skills, and a well enough equipped arsenal.

The FlameMaster Family is Your Kind of People, dude. You know it makes sense.

Order NOW to Ensure Disappointment.


Cheers,

Chris
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:35 PM   #2
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If it comes with some sort of device to wipe spit out Diet Dr Pepper off my current screen I will put my deposit down immediately. Please tell me where to send cash, or I'll happily use Western Union.
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:49 PM   #3
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Sounds too good to be true!

I'll take three.
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:53 PM   #4
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That belongs in the lounge and really wasn't all that funny.
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Old 05-03-2010, 12:38 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by JSWolf View Post
That belongs in the lounge and really wasn't all that funny.
Thank you for your interest in the device. Your comment is not quite up to the standard that we're aiming at, but for a small fee we can add it to your personalised RAB database.
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Old 05-03-2010, 01:30 AM   #6
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I think this device will be a big failure, I mean who would want to buy it? Does it have out of all those links a link to lolcats? Well without that it is useless to me and everyone else who'd buy one. Even my old 386 laptop has a bookmark for lolcats.

Can I upload videos of me sitting on the couch using this device to youtube for the world to watch with complete enthusiasm (I mean come on, the whole world is fixated on me)? Can I use it while driving? That is an absolute must, I spend 7 minutes driving to work of a morning and need something to keep me occupied while changing lanes and looking for a parking spot.
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Old 05-03-2010, 01:40 AM   #7
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That belongs in the lounge and really wasn't all that funny.
That comment belongs on the FlameMaster (tm) but was not nearly insulting enough.
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Old 05-03-2010, 02:19 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Solicitous View Post
I think this device will be a big failure, I mean who would want to buy it? Does it have out of all those links a link to lolcats? Well without that it is useless to me and everyone else who'd buy one.


Darn it. It's back to the drawing board then... Just when I though I had my dream of spending the rest of my days 'Rich, Retired and Reading' in my grasp.

Seriously though, I am sad to see the Courier and the HP Slate apparently killed off in fairly quick succession. They both looked potentially appealing. My fear is that the next designs might all swing too far from reading and academic/business use towards the market for all- singing, all-dancing, all-viewing entertainment devices (not that I mind those on the right occasions). I'd like to see a really good device that does reading books, writing, coping with technical PDFs, etc as a core feature rather than as a minor consideration.

But the tech game is always awash with rumours, so either or both might yet spring back from the dead, in some form or other, better than ever.

Cheers,

Chris
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Old 05-03-2010, 04:47 AM   #9
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Darn it. It's back to the drawing board then...
Oops. Cancel the cancellation.

The device apparently has legs after all - it's already travelled all the way to the Lounge.
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Old 05-03-2010, 06:20 AM   #10
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with only 10 posts, this must be a new 'apathy' thread ....
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Old 05-03-2010, 10:22 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by ChrisC333 View Post


Darn it. It's back to the drawing board then... Just when I though I had my dream of spending the rest of my days 'Rich, Retired and Reading' in my grasp.

Seriously though, I am sad to see the Courier and the HP Slate apparently killed off in fairly quick succession. They both looked potentially appealing. My fear is that the next designs might all swing too far from reading and academic/business use towards the market for all- singing, all-dancing, all-viewing entertainment devices (not that I mind those on the right occasions). I'd like to see a really good device that does reading books, writing, coping with technical PDFs, etc as a core feature rather than as a minor consideration.

But the tech game is always awash with rumours, so either or both might yet spring back from the dead, in some form or other, better than ever.

Cheers,

Chris
To me it is a concern with new technology where everyone is trying to make every device multi purpose. I like my ereader, it does everything that I want and it does it well, it allows me to read ebooks. I don't want an ereader that surfs the net, checks email, watches videos. I want to watch videos, I have my TV, want to surf the net and check email, I have my laptop.

The last three mobile phones I have bought I have wondered into a shop and taken a good look at them. Now I want a phone, to sms and call, nothing else. Sales people trying to say "oh they play mp3s, has a camera, video calling, or if you go spend a fortune more you can get one with a touch screen and plays movies etc". Why can't I buy a standard non-fancy mobile phone? You can't, they all come with extras and you wind up paying for things you don't need. My last three phones have cameras in them, never used them, I have a proper good quality digital camera for taking photos.

Its funny, my attitude towards this gets me some funny looks at times from people. I come from an IT background, and the perception of someone like that is someone who has all the whizz bang gadgets that go beep, and here I am wanting to simplest and best tools available.
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Old 05-03-2010, 10:23 AM   #12
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:bravo:
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Old 05-03-2010, 12:42 PM   #13
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I still have my first cell phone (from around 2002 or so) - it only makes phone calls and has a display big enough to read. And is about the size of a couple of Three Musketeer candy bars - but I refuse to give it up.
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Old 05-03-2010, 12:43 PM   #14
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Like my Nokia 5110 ....
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Old 05-03-2010, 12:50 PM   #15
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It's not for me... I'm waiting a month for the enhanced version with the onboard drink mixer and cocktakl recipe app. Only $400 mor than the original!
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