|03-01-2010, 08:56 AM||#1|
Join Date: Feb 2010
Device: bq Cervantes Touch Light
A small piece of background before the story.
The first version of this story was written in 2005. I got surprised I could write so smoothly in English at the time, and it lead to this. My idea was to build a story with no dialogue, but it was ultimately a failure in that aspect. However, now I'm considering on working on it again, probably rewriting it into a "normal" story, nevertheless profitting of these years of experience. This version is almost like the first one, except for some spelling and a plot inconsistency I've removed. I'll thank any feedback, and you can bash it at your leisure as well .
<<Again was he with a lump in his throat, with the same old flower bunch (maybe the one he had in his last attempt, two weeks ago?) grabbed firmly in his right hand.
Yeah, it would be tough. Tough is always to have a crush on that particular girl who is "most popular" and has those words written in her very forehead. Nevertheless, our boy seems to be not that unsure.>>
<<She lived 30 minutes away on foot. That time was enough (even though it wasn't the other times) to bring order into his mind so that he wouldn't flee all of a sudden. In this case, he was in a sort of standby modus while walking, trying to overcome his fears by ignoring them, thinking of something else, his feet dragged by Newton's laws, practically. An object which has a continuous speed will always keep it. A scream, dimly hearable came on his way. Maybe some car burning too much rubber, he thought.>>
[[Again was she going to break down. Her little nap was disturbed by the strange image of that girl bleeding. Some cruel hands would slap her, beat her, strangle her at last, and a second before that girl dies, she woke up in a pool of sweat. It wasn't the first time that these dreams appeared. They had come on random days, during her naps or during her night sleeps. But why would she worry? Her beloved was a WASP, from the richest lineage. Those people were exactly the contrary of barbarism. And besides, the most important thing: she didn't love her. That was all that mattered. And the worst thing is that she couldn't blame her. Therefore, she decided to be sincere. She went out of her house and left little José in the devious hands of some old-fashioned TV show.]]
((Again came the belt. Wham, wham. The steel buckle hit her lips and they started to bleed. She hadn't imagined that kind of reaction of her loving father... or perhaps... She knew such news would fall like a bomb in her family. But she couldn't help telling them. They had always told her not to hide any problem she had.))
((Wham, wham. This time the buckle hit her collarbone. She screamed in pain when the subjection part of the buckle pierced her bone. Yet she didn't cry. For some reason, she began to think she was going to see that girl promptly. That perspective made her smile... the gruesome yelling of her loving father couldn't be heard anymore... She, her presence, resounding and delicate at the same time. She, her tanned skin and her cherry lips and that single couple of ounces of fat she had that made her deliciously chubby. Her heart beat even more quickly when she remembered that.))
[[For some reason, she had a strange feeling about the trip. The bus was so slow. Slow. Too slow! She should arrive, say that to her and then return to save little José and herself or the sure reprimands they would receive. But the bus speed was just 55 miles an hour, too slow to correspond for her heart beat.
In an impulse, she suddenly stood up of her bus seat and ran away of it. She gave up and decided walk to her destiny, realizing 20 minutes on foot were left... Fortunately, it was as simple as going eastwards until the facaded house was visible.]]
<<He saw the car. He managed to ignore the terrible smell of burnt rubber and decided to continue. The car was broken down, its owner raging against the machine. His steps guided him to the Bellevue, an appropiate name to the preppy quarter of the city. The skyscraper guided his way, almost directly to the north was the desired house. He had learned it in his previous journeys for her grial. If his calculations were correct, it'd be circa 20 minutes to his goal. Yet these calculations made him think. He couldn't think too deeply of anything if he didn't want to run away as a fledging coward.>>
((Her mother did want something of her loving father. "It'll be like 20 minutes, maybe more". Her sparkling eyes could leave him clear what she wanted of him. It couldn't be clear for their daughter, who couldn't see them, only hear them yet. She remained there, bound to the wall through steel shackles, her wrists additionaly trapped by a pair of handcuffs. She should have never felt so ashamed. But she didn't. Not for a single moment did she lose her fortitude.))
[[She arrived at the house, her legs quaking. And then she saw another person in front of it.]]
<<He arrived at the house, his legs trembling, his hand with the bunch insecure. He noticed another person arriving to the house.>>
<[His eyes met her eyes, gazing each other for what seemed an eternity. During that devious scrutiny, she examined his very presence, his slim complexion, with an angular face, and a determined gaze which revealed his intention. The flower bunch was the definite proof she needed. Her hands closed into fists, and he noticed danger. His feminine intuition always appeared when he was almost going to get in trouble... and in this case it didn't matter that he was male.
She managed to control herself. Her fists were relaxed, her open and kinder palms were again visible. In his mind appeared a possibility which could explain that outburst.]>
[[What a coincidence. Two people meeting in the same destiny. She shrug her shoulders.]]
<<Indeed. He nodded.>>
<<The question appeared: what brought him to the house?
He noticed her dry tone disguised in the polite form. He thought of lying, but he saw no point in it. Therefore he told the truth. But first he introduced himself: he was Robert, and if he wasn't wrong, she should be Gladys. He knew her by sight, due to going to the same school than her.... and the girl he liked.>>
[[And what brought her into the house?]]
((She yelled that name right then. Cruellest of voices, stern and empty, the voice of a damned soul with no better destiny than shouting it! Sour voice, a pagan believer summoning the name of her goddess! Voice quaking through her teeth of ivory biting leather! Hands and feet shaking against her shackles! Gladys, Gladys, Gladys!))
<[Their heads shook, their noses pointing to the place of the deed.
What the heck?
No moment of doubt. She started to climb into the house, and he offered his help. Once that was done, she helped him inside and they ventured to the other rooms, trying to see what happened.]>
((Gladys! Her loving father began to rush to her side. What would he bring to finish her, she didn't care. She only could feel the heartbeat, the ever-nearing presence of her.))
<[Both came to the kitchen.]>
**The living room they was next to the kitchen. The leather sofas and couches, the luxurious minimalistic tables and chairs were dimly noticed by them, who rushed to the stairs next to the room.**
((It could only be her, freeing that poor soul from her crude destiny. That was her conclusion after hearing the window break, the footsteps closer and closer. She would have broken into her dungeon and would be trying to release her from her chains. She screamed even more hoarsely, shook with more strength, trying to guide her beloved.))
<<An alarm began to sound. In a whim, from the stairs appeared a huge man, in his hands a baseball bat. Mask of despair and disgust! He began shouting and tried to attack Robert, who miraculously dodged the bat. No more miracles would happen, so he looked for a possible exit. The kitchen! A possible defense! He ran to the door, chased by the man. Indeed another miracle occured, and he was able to shut the door before the bat landed on him.>>
[[Another shadow entered where she was. This one had a female appearance, but was exactly as fierce, unhuman and crude as the other. She faced Gladys, who could only dominate her through unconsciousness. Punch, punch, punch: punches which put calli on her knuckles and her soul. The alarm didn't cease to sound. She didn't stop to shout.
But what to do?
She ran upstairs.]]
<<Finally, he was able to grab a grand knife. Only then did he let the huge man go through the door. Hand steady!
And the sound came.>>
[[Whatever that sound was, it meant the end of all of the noises. Gladys decided not to pay attention to it, not until she was free. Her moans were clearly audible, and among with the sound of the alarm and the fear Gladys had they sounded like the ones of a wolf.
Finally, she arrived to the room. And what she saw cut her breath inmediately.
Few human words could describe what she saw in her beloved. Maybe one, but it was too soft: agony. The girl in front of her was agonizing, tied like a ghost to its damnation. Her eyes got wide open once she saw who was in.]]
((Gladys! Like a thankful prayer it sounded.))
[[No more noises were heard aside of the alarm. Gladys rushed herself, trying to find the keys to release her from her ties. The room was obscure and devious, with many black objects, the non-transparent crystal windows bathing her and hr beloved with a fearful light, masks whose eyeholes pointed exactly to where she was, no matter where she went. She felt like a barbarian conqueror entering in the greatest den of decadency in the conquered empire.No keys, nothing but despair awaited her in the furniture of the room where they were. Her open eyes inflicted pain to Gladys, fully unable to find anything. The key of the shackles would be they key to devy that accusing, awaiting gaze which was printed in her blue suffering eyes
NOTHING! She started punching the wall, desperate. And yet she took a resolution...
Footsteps! Again the mother! She armed herself with a whip she found.]]
**-What the heck... WHAM! Much of one's chin skin was ripped off. It was a man who entered, wearing a police uniform.**
[[A bullet got shot from the cop's gun. It almost took away Gladys' right earlobe with its pendant and impacted on one of the unnaturally dark walls. She dropped the whip inmediately.]]
*[-What the heck are you doin'?- The cop pointed her with his gun, yet when he saw the scene, he sighed strongly.- Ok, no worries. Go there -pointing to the wall- , hands up where i can see them.
She obeyed inmediately, and his register revealed no more than a wallet. He looked for her ID.
-I'll ask you a couple of things, Gladys Santa Anna... do you live here?
She denied with her head.
- What were you doing here, with a whip in your hand?... - His gaze suddenly realized about the other girl's presence. The girl had apparently lost consciousness - Oh holy crap! Did you do this to her? Did you tie her up like this??
NEVER! She felt had to shout it.]*
*[-Ok, Ok, don't worry. - He digged in his pockets, looking for a lockpick. - Seems I need a hairpin to open this. Could you give me one of yours?- His eyes were directed to her hair.
She handed one of her hairpins to the cop.
-Thank you. By the way, I bet you know about those guys lying dead on the floor...]*
[[Dead? How come...?]]
**-Well, don't look at me like that. I haven't killed them. There is a woman there too. She doesn't seem dead, but she's unconscious. Well, you, this girl and the other lady shall clear up this mess. - The cop forced the lock of the knuckles, which almost instantly yielded to the hairpin. - I don't know why they give us lockpicks... This thing is incredible. Can I keep it?**
[*As an answer, she removed all of her hairpins with a rapid movement of her hand, and handed them to the cop.
-Well... thanks, I guess. - He winked an eye.*]
**The policeman released all of her shackles and the gag in her mouth, and she awoke from unconsciousness in that precise moment.**
((She opened her eyes, and once they pointed Gladys, she never devied them from her. Heavenly vision! She stretched her arm looking for her touch. It could be a dream, so she wanted to feel her beloved before dying, sleeping or being driven to wherever God might take her.))
**The policeman started to understand: that thirst, clearly visible in the girl's eyes when she saw Gladys, could only mean something.
-I guess you should clear some things between each other. - He nuzzled ironically. He directed his steps to the door.**
((There she began. She started to cry on Gladys's shoulder... while crying out all the pain.))
((- I discovered it... a while ago... -she couldn't stop sobbing- they were involved.... there... in something horrible...
The cop stopped while hearing that. Gladys, however, made him a sign, defying him to stay. The policeman nodded and continued. He softly closed the door after him.
- They got alarmed... when they got those poeple in that pedophilia case... you know, that one... some months ago.
Gladys nodded. She started to kiss her hair to calm her down.
- They tried to hide it... but they were nervous... I... I didn't know why... And then... I saw this album. It was... horrible, my dear. There were kidddos... three, four, eight years old... all naked... There was even a poor eight-month!!! It was covered with... - There was no way Gladys could prevent her from crying. Her words equalled her tears.))
([Gladys kissed her tears away, drinking the salty precious scent. She sank her head in Gladys' neckline and started crying against her breasts.])
((- Forgive me, Gladys... I love you... I can't help it... I can't talk... if you're so nice to me... I can't help it... I promise I didn't want to.... but I love you... please...))
[[Whatever. Whatever to erase her pain.
She started kissing the little depression between Gladys' breastbone and neck. Her tongue even ventured going.
It was enough for her. Not now.]]
[(- Please... this may be our last time... I don't know where I'll go... My relatives live far away... and they'll send me with themmm...
She denied with her head. Later.)]
**Many sirens started to sound: ambulances, police reinforcements. Besides, two Chevys appeared from nowhere else.**
((She kept crying against Gladys' breasts.
- They discovered that... I love you... and it seemed to... turn on something in their heads... I don't really know... and then they reduced me to this... THIS!!!))
She lost consciousness then. Gladys understood she was too tired, and dragged her onto the bed of the room, covering her in spite of her desires.
She went down and saw the whole lower part crowded. The cop was going through the stairs.
-How is she?
Unconscious. Gladys trembled while uttering that word.
[[-I see. Let's let her be for now. Did she say something you would tell to us?
Gladys started to reveal the confessions that her beloved one did tell her. The cop made some grimaces in some of the crudest parts. Gladys felt much better when the deeds were told.]]
**-Hm. I think this will be interesting... We suspected about more people in that pedophilia thing... it's possible that the lady there- he pointed to the unconscious mother, who was being carried to an ambulance car- will... enlighten us.**
[[Then there appeared two families. Each one rushed out of the cars out there.
-What's been of my Rob? What's been of him?
- ¿¿Gladys, Gladycita dónde estás?? "Gladys, little Gladys, where are you??"
She rushed there where Robert was, but the cop stopped her.]]
**- You'll tell the rest later. Now go meet your parents. They're out, worried for you. - He drove her softly out, with one handpalm set on her back directing her to the entrance door.**
[[There was nothing that could stop the cries of Rob's family when they saw him dead, nor the cries of Gladys' one when they saw her leaving the house rapidly, completely safe.]]
[[She wanted to see Rob's relatives some minutes later. The hatred boiling in the eyes all of them prevented her from doing that. Gladys concluded that their thought was that she was responsible for his death.]]
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