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Old 02-27-2010, 01:14 PM   #1
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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Donut Night: An Insignificant Nugget of Dementia

Part I - First, You Mix The Dough

It was late. Again. Another long night spent w***ing well past dinner time just to ensure that my employer's little slice of capitalism was suitably protected from the onslaught of - of what? And just how many years does a guy have to w*** before "40 hours a week" begins to take only 60 hours a week? Anyway, it must have been around midnight when I drove past the donut shop on my way home. God, I love that place!


I was tired, sleepy, and hungry as a dog! And I could really have gone for a donut right about then. I put the top down on my convertible in a lame attempt to let the cold air in (it was the first of March) to drive away my hunger pangs and to keep me awake. But I couldn't have gone much further before I briefly - just for an instant, mind you - nodded off. When I caught myself and awoke in a start, I could see this guy in my headlights - a donut by the shoulder of the road - hitchiking (at this hour of the night??).


I was so startled that I almost wet my pants as I slammed on the brakes and swerved to miss him.

[DUCK!!!, yelled someone in the audience.]

[THOUAQUE!!!, came the predictable response.]

"Hey, can you give me a lift?", he asked.

"What?"

"I said, can you give me a lift? I'm kinda in a dunk right now and could really use your help."

"Sure, sure", I must have said, not really knowing what to say.

"Thanks", came from somewhere out of the massive toroid, as he squeezed into my car. "You wouldn't believe how crazy it is out there tonight."

"Crazy? Where?", I asked. Like an idiot.

"You know. Out there!" He pointed up (with what??). But all I could really think about was that I must have died in a car accident and gone to heaven because there was this massive donut in my car - and he had sprinkles! Then I wondered if perhaps it was all in my head. And, just maybe, the reason it suddenly felt crowded in my car was because it was me that had had one too many with sprinkles.

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Old 02-27-2010, 01:18 PM   #2
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: standing ovation !: bravo !!! i can't wait for part the second !
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Old 02-27-2010, 01:23 PM   #3
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A picture book. I love it. More...More...
(I'm not going to ask the obvious question, I'll wait for the next chapter to find out. )
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Old 02-27-2010, 02:08 PM   #4
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Excellent! Good thing it wasn't a jelly filled donut - that would have been hard to get out of the seats.

Waiting for the sequel now....
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Old 02-27-2010, 03:58 PM   #5
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Brilliant! And I love how "work" is astricked out..lol

imPatiently waiting for the story to continue on...
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:41 PM   #6
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:05 PM   #7
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When's Doughnut Day?
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Part, The Second - Then You Stir Stuphph Up


"You're a donut."

"No kidding!", he said. "And no."

"No what?, I asked.

"No to Wrong Donut Extravaganza's question", he replied.

"Wait, let's just be sensible for a minute , okay?"

"Okay. Let's." came the words from behind the second swirly row of sprinkles. "Let's just do that. But would you step on it, please? I'd like to get as far away from here as I can."


"What, did you hold up the donut shop or something?", I asked sarcastically.

You know, time is a curious thing. Have you ever noticed that sometimes a second can feel like an hour?


Well, a few of those seconds went by in cold silence and I could somehow sense....I don't know....look, it sounds strange...but I could somehow tell that this donut was staring at me.


"Oh, great! I'm probably totally bonkers! And yet somehow," I yelled angrily as I attempted to grab something like his collar, "somehow, I bet the cops end up arresting me for aiding and abetting a confection!"


"Oh, real cute, big guy! But who said I was a confection, huh? I'm not a confection. A confection contains fruit or jelly. Didn't you hear Dave say I donut....erm, do not...contain jelly? That would be a mess - particularly with you squeezing me that way. And your anger is kneadless. Chill out."

"What did you just say?"

"I said your anger is kneadless."

"I'm gonna hurt you."


Last edited by vivaldirules; 02-28-2010 at 09:51 AM.
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:42 PM   #8
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You gotta help the doughnut VR. Don't let the coppers squeeze a confection out of him.
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:47 PM   #9
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Enjoying the story muchly. Be careful, the suspicious donut might be carrying a glazing gun!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:14 PM   #10
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It's about the umbrella
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Waiting for more, so I clicked a button and sent you a little "help" ... 911
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:37 PM   #11
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Don't be cruller to the donut (best donut pun I could come up with).
He might be carrying a bear claw!
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:57 PM   #12
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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Part C - Now Roll It Out and Cut It Into Coicles


"Okay. Okay, so you're a donut. Fine. And I'm driving you......where? And why?"

The donut went quiet again. Soon, I could hear gentle sobbing that led to a few sprinkles tinkling onto the floor mats of my convertible. Finally, he regained his composure. "You know what day this is, right?", he asked softly.

"March 1. So?"

"Nope. It's after midnight. So today is....come on, you can do it."

"Okay, March 2nd," I offered, trying to understand the significance.

"BINGO! The big guy gets a donut! Yes, it's March 2nd. And what falls on the 2nd of every month?"

"Those are bongos, not bingo. And that's easy. The 2nd of every month is Donut Day. Over at MobileRead ", I said.

"DOUBLE BINGO! Add the sprinkles for the big dummy!"

"Those are bongos! Don't you know the difference between....oh, never mind. And so? Donut Day at MobileRead happens every month. But this is the first time I've had a hoomin-sized donut talking to me in my front seat. And cut it with the 'big dummy' stuff, okay? Or I'll swerve at the next curve and you'll wind up as a life preserver on one of those cows."


"It's because March 2nd is also February 30th. And in Donutland that's like a glazed double red velvet with jelly, sprinkles, chocolate, and extra nuts. Got it?"

"I got only the nuts. So, no. And why are your robbing a donut shop?

The donut......[Does he have a name? God, how I wish he had a name. It would be sooooo much easier to tell this story if he did. But, alas, if he had a name, I've forgotten it. Of course, I suppose I could make one up. But what name? What name? I wonder.]

Anyway, the donut proceeded to tell me a story about how...


[Ooops. Time for intermission. Wouldn't you just love to go out to the concession stand for a big Coke and a dozen donuts?! You would, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?]
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Old 02-27-2010, 10:04 PM   #13
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Oooooh I can't wait for the story to continue. Please don't make me cry on behalf of that giant donut
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Old 02-27-2010, 10:06 PM   #14
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It's about the umbrella
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Oh, no! Intermission! Will there be a possible "twist" in the story.

Be careful to stay away from decadent "bars", because if you met a "Long John" you'll "fritter" away your time.

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Old 02-27-2010, 10:31 PM   #15
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Is his name Doug H. Nut?

OK, no-one take my seat while I go for a drink and snack.
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