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Old 02-11-2010, 05:29 PM   #1
Ben Thornton
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Email intercepted from major publisher

My spies intercepted this email from a major publisher, which clarifies their approach on a number of issues:

From: boss@random-noise-publishing.web
To: <All employees>

Publishing Policy For Electronic Books ("e-books")

It has come to our attention that our competitors are releasing electronic
versions of some titles, for use on electronic reader devices. As there has
been alarmist talk of these replacing paper - as broadcast television is
replacing the wireless, and Philips' Compact Cassette is replacing vinyl - we
are issuing this note on policy.

Issuing our Back Catalogue:
It can take half a day to scan and proof-read a book. If we employ someone at
a cost of $100K per annum, and they produce 400 books, this gives us a cost of
$250 per book to recover - which at, say, $2.50 per e-book profit, would require
sales in excess of 100 books! Not even our ghost-written celebrity cooking
dramas are getting that level of sales! e-books are therefore only appropriate
for new releases.

Geography and the World-Wide Web:
Using the intertubes, customers can access e-books from anywhere in the world.
This means that customers from countries where we have the rights could buy
books from someone else. We will block this, but customers can still travel
here to buy e-books locally if they want. Although I've never been abroad, all
the foreigners that I've met enjoy travelling, so this should suit them!

Digital Rights Management (DRM):
Without DRM, books can be copied any number of times and freely distributed, so
everyone would copy them without paying - because customers are thieves. DRM
stops an e-book from being copied, re-sold, lent, amended or read - thereby
maximising sales. Since DRM has been effective for every other kind of content,
there is no reason that e-books should be any different.

Pricing:
E-books are digital, which means that they are composed of 1's and 0's - eight
or more of which can be needed to represent a single character. Logically, they
should therefore cost eight times as much. In order to support this fledgeling
market, we will set the price at less than twice that of a paper book, and bear
the additional costs ourselves.

Piracy:
As there is no copyright in international waters, there are a growing number of
"pirates" who are buying e-books from on-board ship. These can then flow
through the intertubes in torrents. This kind of copying kills our profits,
and is therefore murder - we will be lobbying for the death penalty.

In summary, our policy is to release selected new titles across the whole of
some countries, often at less than twice the price of a paper copy - enhanced
with DRM to provide security against use.

Sergeant-Major D. Zaster, CEO
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Old 02-11-2010, 05:40 PM   #2
Snowman
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Oops, missed a para:

We also clearly need a Hatchet man to head up our new enforcement department
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Old 02-11-2010, 05:46 PM   #3
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
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Well, that certainly clarifies things, doesn't it?
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Old 02-11-2010, 05:56 PM   #4
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Old 02-11-2010, 07:13 PM   #5
SCION
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:57 PM   #6
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Old 02-11-2010, 11:34 PM   #7
Daithi
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Old 02-11-2010, 11:51 PM   #8
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Is that for real?!
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Old 02-12-2010, 12:33 AM   #9
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Old 02-12-2010, 12:44 AM   #10
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OMG ROFLMAO THank you SOOO much for the laugh!!
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Old 02-12-2010, 01:00 AM   #11
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Very funny, especially the part about 'intertubes'!
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Old 02-12-2010, 02:08 AM   #12
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My favourite part:

Pricing:
E-books are digital, which means that they are composed of 1's and 0's - eight
or more of which can be needed to represent a single character. Logically, they
should therefore cost eight times as much.
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Old 02-12-2010, 02:11 AM   #13
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Old 02-12-2010, 02:13 AM   #14
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Awesome! Thanks for the laugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thornton View Post
From: boss@random-noise-publishing.web
To: <All employees>

Publishing Policy For Electronic Books ("e-books")

<snip>

Geography and the World-Wide Web:
Using the intertubes, customers can access e-books from anywhere in the world.
This means that customers from countries where we have the rights could buy
books from someone else. We will block this, but customers can still travel
here to buy e-books locally if they want. Although I've never been abroad, all
the foreigners that I've met enjoy travelling, so this should suit them!

<snip>

Piracy:
As there is no copyright in international waters, there are a growing number of
"pirates" who are buying e-books from on-board ship. These can then flow
through the intertubes in torrents. This kind of copying kills our profits,
and is therefore murder - we will be lobbying for the death penalty.

In summary, our policy is to release selected new titles across the whole of
some countries, often at less than twice the price of a paper copy - enhanced
with DRM to provide security against use.

Sergeant-Major D. Zaster, CEO
Loved these two parts, especially the traveling one (very deep, that one!)

And about those pirates, there have been radio pirates here, that actually were on a ship because they weren't allowed to broadcast on Dutch soil
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Old 02-12-2010, 01:45 PM   #15
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Why is everyone treating this as if it's spoof?
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