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Old 01-30-2010, 12:41 PM   #1
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Puzzle

So lately (aside from the shoe situation ) life has been giving me a hard time. And I've been reading too much, too fast, spending waaaayyyyy too much money on books b/c the books I have I've re-read them 20 times.

So I hop into a puzzle store and think, this is just the ticket! I've never done a puzzle before, so I'll get me a puzzle and that will help me relax and take up some of the crazy feeling time I have going on. I get this cute 500 piece puzzle with a dragon and a unicorn fighting. They're not really fighting, they're both on opposite sides of the puzzle, but neither look happy and somehow it still looks cute.

ANYWAY....

So I start putting this thing together. 3 hours later, 15 pieces are put together, my cats keep stealing the pieces, the table's not big enough, all the damn colors look the same and the pieces are shaped like something you'd make out of orgami. So I scooped it back into the box and decided to burn the thing after crying for 20 minutes about how stupid I am.

Then I get to thinking....I'm better than that, right? I'll try again tomorrow. I do, and this time I've got most the outer part put together and some of the dragon (like 75 pieces) after 3 hours. I'm sooooo proud of my progress, and now I'm feeling good about this puzzle thing. I cut out a piece of big cardboard to put the put-together pieces on and wait for the boyfriend to wake up so he can see my progress. He comes out to look and just as I'm showing him my proud creation, that little b***h of a cat I have (not the fat one, the little one) decides to jumps on the piece of cardboard I'm holding and knock everything on to the ground. And then runs off with the pieces. And chews on them.

By this time I'm ready to drown myself in the tub, make a pair of gloves out of the cat, and say f*** burning the puzzle outside, we'll just do it right here in the living room. So, instead of my boyfriend smiling at me and telling me what a good job I've done, he's watching me run around the house like a lunatic after the cat and trying to salvage the pieces that are still partially put together b/c I can't even stand to be in the same toom as that stupid ass puzzle. Or the cat.

Huh.

And even though they're letting me have a computer in the padded room I'm in with my ankles and one hand strapped down, for some unholy reason...I still want to figure out the puzzle. I dont want to buy another one, I want to do this one. I think I'm going to wait until I'm a little more...emotionally stable before attempting to do this thing again. So I just filed my taxes and told myself that whatever large sum of money I spend on books now I'll just replace with my refund

At least I know how to read, ya know?

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Old 01-30-2010, 12:44 PM   #2
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sweet fuzzy squirrels on a cracker, my sides litterally hurt from laughing. i hope you can find comfort in knowing that your tribulations are bringing me much amusement. i'll also take it as a cautionary tale, since i have 2 cats and not much patience, i should probably also avoid puzzles.

but hey, at least you know how to read !!!
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Old 01-30-2010, 01:56 PM   #3
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I know, right? And I understand that the cute and furry but stupid little mammal had NO IDEA I was losing my mind but by this point, control was a concept beyond my reasoning. Unless my puzzle came with the essence of the devil I have to say I think they are EVIL little contraptions.

Then I thought about allllll the time I spent on the puzzle and realized I could have finished one book and started another one had I just stuck to what I knew I was good at!
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Old 01-30-2010, 02:03 PM   #4
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And yet after a jarful of horse tranquilizer, a carton of cigarettes and a whole bottle of whiskey later, I ended up forgiving her. Poor stupid little creature. I would hate not being smart enough to know I'm f***ing up a puzzle...

Wait a minute....
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Old 01-30-2010, 09:08 PM   #5
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Thank you for sharing that experience. Glad you forgave the little furball. I am sure she just wanted to save you from going deeper into that addiction.

Reading, smoking, drinking & swearing are really enough don't you think? Let it go - leave puzzles to those who don't have anything else
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Old 01-30-2010, 09:39 PM   #6
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@emonti8384

Thanks for that story. Shame you couldn't get the puzzle done after all your efforts.

When I want to do a puzzle, I don't want all the trouble of having pieces all over the place. This is a site that I go to do puzzles sometimes online. www.jigzone.com They have puzzles of lots of different pictures and it is free! The puzzles have 16 different configurations of amount of pieces with 246 pieces being the largest. No chance of pieces being eaten or stolen!
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Old 01-31-2010, 01:54 AM   #7
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@emonti8384

Thanks for that story. Shame you couldn't get the puzzle done after all your efforts.

When I want to do a puzzle, I don't want all the trouble of having pieces all over the place. This is a site that I go to do puzzles sometimes online. www.jigzone.com They have puzzles of lots of different pictures and it is free! The puzzles have 16 different configurations of amount of pieces with 246 pieces being the largest. No chance of pieces being eaten or stolen!
Thank you for the effort and as I said, maybe when I'm a little more emotionally stable I will try another puzzle. Until then, I've decided I'm really quite puzzeled out. Thanks for your support everyone!
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Old 01-31-2010, 10:35 AM   #8
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And yet after a jarful of horse tranquilizer, a carton of cigarettes and a whole bottle of whiskey later, I ended up forgiving her. Poor stupid little creature. I would hate not being smart enough to know I'm f***ing up a puzzle...

Wait a minute....

ah - I spot your mistake .....
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Old 01-31-2010, 06:58 PM   #9
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Haha, lol! Don't worry, she still gets the short end of the stick. When she cries she's hungry I pretend not to hear her for like, an hour. Or if she comes begging for forgiveness by trying to come sleep with me, sometimes, just as soon as she's gotten settled, I have to go pee and in the process I have to remove all the covers to get off the bed. Don't you hate when that happens ?

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Old 01-31-2010, 07:05 PM   #10
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And I have no idea where I'm gonna find more horse tranquilizer. I think that was my mistake, using it all up on little fuzzy foot's mistake. I mean, the stuff isn't as common as bubble gum now is it? Dummy me!
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Old 01-31-2010, 09:57 PM   #11
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Good news everyone! I have been let out of my padded cell (I mean, room) and have decided to re-pursue the puzzle interest. Last night I took my puzzle box along with some George Carlin, Wanda Sykes (she was on sale), Robin Williams and some Dane Cook down to the basement to re-invent my masterpiece. No, Frankenstein was not there.

Anyway, I re-start doing this thing and I've gotten pretty darn far!!! The cats are nowhere in sight (probably b/c I locked them out) the dragon's almost done, can't really figure out the unicorn quite as easily, the rest of the puzzle was in shambles, but that's okay! I have learned I cannot control what happens...anywhere.

Wait that's a big fat lie! I can control what happens when....I put my shoes's on? No, sometimes I don't get that one right either. Okay maybe it's not a lie. Getting back on topic-so there I am, merrily putting my puzzle together when I suddenly realized-my cd's skipping, my feet are frozen, it's kinda scary in the basement (but at least the fat nor little cat are down here) and I'm scared I have mice and they will steal my puzzle pieces away so I cannot finish it. Already I'm convinced I'm missing a few...more important pieces, you could call them. I'd like to finish the unicorn's a** but I can't find that piece to save my life.

So I came back upstairs and convinced myself Rome wasn't built in a day. I will try again tomorrow.

Today is tomorrow and was not a puzzle day. I knew it the instant I woke up, went down there, and came right back up after looking at the box of remaining pieces. I will let everyone know what happens with my...puzzle? Neurotic little world? Ignorant little cats? Whatever you want to call it, I will keep you posted!


By the way-when the boyfriend saw it not only did he smile (a nice, adorable, put-a-smile-on-my-face-smile) but also informed me I had half the outer pieces wrong. Huh. At least he smiled tho, right? Staying on the positive side!

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Old 01-31-2010, 11:15 PM   #12
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There is no puzzle so puzzling that cannot be solved by a good, hard squint and a large hammer. Vodka's good too. ZCD's...not so much...the puzzle tends to resolve itself, but the rest of reality fragments into tiny pieces stolen by squirrels and hidden in the spaces between the universes.

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 02-01-2010, 01:01 AM   #13
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pieces stolen by squirrels
Whew! Squirrels are cuter than mice, so hopefully if my pieces get stolen its by a cute furry squirrel. I really do admire their tails, don't you? Nice, bushy little things-they'd make a perfect pair of slippers. Or earrings, if you can stand them on your head. Davey Crockett did that, didn't he? Wear squirrels on his head? Or were they raccoons?

Huh.

Maybe tomorrow will be a puzzle day and the squirrels/mice wouldn't have taken my pieces! Staying optimistic!! Hell, hopefully I'll still be in the same universe (w/o the piece [peace]-stealing squirrels)

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Old 02-01-2010, 01:34 AM   #14
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Whew! Squirrels are cuter than mice, so hopefully if my pieces get stolen its by a cute furry squirrel. I really do admire their tails, don't you? Nice, bushy little things-they'd make a perfect pair of slippers. Or earrings, if you can stand them on your head. Davey Crockett did that, didn't he? Wear squirrels on his head? Or were they raccoons?
...

So...

Umm...

Right...

Are you sayin'...

...you've not heard about the squirrels? The squirrels that occupy MRspace? Possibly natives of the Great Outback in the Downunderverse? Possibly merely passing through there from their natural home hidden in the multiverse's dark matter? Possibly being the multiverse's dark matter? Both pirate and ninja? The Pirate Ninja Squirrels (PNS)? Not heard of them?

Cute?

You want to make slippers out of their tails?

Allow me to help. emonti8384, meet LazyScot. LazyScot, meet emonti8384. emonti8384, I'm just about to say a word to LazyScot...best not interject, just let him go until his breath runs out and he falls unconscious. Easier that way, and we've amusing drugs to bring him back without short term memory...

"Hey, LazyScot..."squirrel""


Giggle.

Cheers,
Marc
CEO Montsnmags Enterprises

(Contracted for PR & Marketing by the PNS: technically speaking, we do a crap job)
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Old 02-01-2010, 04:10 AM   #15
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...you've not heard about the squirrels? The squirrels that occupy MRspace? Possibly natives of the Great Outback in the Downunderverse? Possibly merely passing through there from their natural home hidden in the multiverse's dark matter? Possibly being the multiverse's dark matter? Both pirate and ninja? The Pirate Ninja Squirrels (PNS)? Not heard of them?


I have to say I have not heard of the PNS squirrels.Am I likely to run into them here? I live in Ohio you know, squirrels are abundant here. We even have a squirrel hunting seaon. Or are these imaginary but still problematic squirrels? Please do enlighten me so the next time someone mentions squirrel to me I don't have to sound like a complete jackass. I might still want to but, the point being, I don't have to.

And hey, mix that shit up for me ASAP. I have to go hang out w/my dad and his crazy gfriend tomorrow, so it will def come in handy. I will pay the cost of shipping

To stay on topic, today ended up actually being another puzzle day, hidden as a not puzzle day. It went quite well. I found out I was doing the whole thing backwards but bah, who's counting? Um, judging. Who gives a sh@t what word I use b/c who gives a sh@t in the first place?

It's allllll the puzzle fault.....that I don't know about the squirrels
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