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Old 12-12-2009, 08:38 PM   #1
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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A Wee Bit O' Fiction: A MobileRead [strike]Abomination[/strike] Collaboration

Well, I had this really freaking brilliant idea. And I have found two total suckers volunteers who are willing to commit the rest of their waking lives a few minutes now and then to making us laugh our heads off at them entertaining us with a bit of mild but uncoordinated chaos: ShortNCuddlyAm and LazyScot

You know as much as I do what will happen. Cue the popcorn. And the peanut gallery.







Hey, did someone edit my post?!
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Old 12-12-2009, 08:52 PM   #2
WT Sharpe
Grand Muckity-Muck
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I really don't think so.
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:06 PM   #3
LazyScot
DSil
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Algernon Smythe-Wilcox, dressed in clothes so boring that merely glancing at him could render the untrained into a coma, leaned over the observation gallery above the peanut roasting machines.

"Are you sure they don't know the real purpose of our factory?" he asked his colleague in mystery (whose sartorial excesses were also capable of instantaneous crowd control), Winstanley Trimblay-Sidebottom.

"Definitely. Our agent inside assures us they don't view us as a threat. Apparently they don't think we're worth peanuts."

"How droll. Their sense of humour remains as challenged as ever."

"Indeed. If all goes to plan, we should be ready to deploy the machines in a couple of days."

"Definitely. Agents Filbert-Transome and Astoria-Cornice assure us the authorities are ready to be bribed. We should have no trouble inflitrating the entire world supply of Christmas Crackers."

All of a sudden the machines, and indeed the entire space, started vibrating, and various alarms went off.
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:19 PM   #4
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It's about the umbrella
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Am and LazyScot for being the two total suckers volunteers!

Great start, LazyScott! Plus, two very interesting characters, already.

Quote:
Algernon Smythe-Wilcox, dressed in clothes so boring that merely glancing at him could render the untrained into a coma
Quote:
his colleague in mystery (whose sartorial excesses were also capable of instantaneous crowd control),Winstanley Trimblay-Sidebottom
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:52 PM   #5
ShortNCuddlyAm
WWHALD
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Meanwhile, two figures were out for a stroll. To the unobservant observer, it would look like this pair were out for a stroll. This unobservant observer (let's call him Fred, because it's easier to type) would possibly think that the pair were friends. It's possible Fred might even think they were good friends. Maybe even a couple. But to someone more skilled in the arts of observation, it would be clear that maybe everything wasn't quite as it seemed. Their casualness seemed too... casual. Their spontaneous pauses to point things out too... spontaneous. Whatever conclusions these two observers concluded, however, they would almost be certain to forget as at that moment the earth moved - not just for them, but for everyone in the vicinity.

"Did you feel that?" asked Hugh Jrinks, for it was he, of his companion, who rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Yes I did. I would imagine most people hereabouts did" Fiona T Wellington replied.

"Probably an earthquake" Hugh said knowledgably.

"Unlikely"

"Oh? They happen all the time round here, I seem to recall" Hugh spoke as if he was something of an expert in these matters.

"England does get the occasional earthquake, true, but rarely anything of the magnitude we just felt. And they don't usually go 'BANG!' and cause a massive amount of smoke to billow from just one area"

"Yes, but that was hardly the case here, now was it?"

Fiona merely looked pointedly at the billowing smoke, coming from somewhere near the roasted peanut factory.
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Old 12-12-2009, 10:55 PM   #6
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It's about the umbrella
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Quote:
This unobservant observer (let's call him Fred, because it's easier to type)
I loved the logic in that paragraph!
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Old 12-13-2009, 09:55 AM   #7
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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Programs*! Get your programs* here! Find out who the conspirators are! Who's in bed with whom! And who holds the secret to the ultimate mystery! They're only twenty quid! And don't forget your peanuts at the concession stand! Programs*! Get your programs* here!

Algernon Smythe-Wilcox: Left med school after failing gynecology three times
Winstanley Trimblay-Sidebottom: Has a second cousin in Parliament
Agent Filbert-Transome : Once dated a drag queen from Manchester
Agent Astoria-Cornice : Runs a "green" dry cleaning operation on the side
Fred: Who??
Hugh Jrinks: He does?
Fiona T Wellington: Has a cousin who's a circus barker. No, really!






* Character shots are simulations only. Accuracy of program information is not guaranteed. Use as directed and at your own risk. Harmful if swallowed.
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Old 12-13-2009, 10:18 AM   #8
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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i'll take a program please ! make it two, i'll give the other one to a friend. and some popcorn please ! you know any story with conspirators, nuts, and christmas crackers (!!) is going to be brilliant !!
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Old 12-13-2009, 01:13 PM   #9
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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After some extensive research, I may have found photos of Algernon Smythe-Wilcox as a young man and more recently.

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Old 12-13-2009, 01:19 PM   #10
LazyScot
DSil
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Algernon and Winstanley dragged themselves out of the wreckage of the factory, and dusted themselves off whilst wading through huge amounts of freshly popped popcorn. They made their way over to the remains of the deliveries bay where a small number of sacks of peanuts were still visible. Winstanley looked at a sack and then pulled at the paper label that said "Peanuts. For Roasting" in very crude, almost cartoonish handwriting. It came off. Underneath it revealed the original label which read "Llama llama corn (for popping)".

"Damn the Ministry. Only they could be so, so...." Algernon struggled for words, "silly," he finally spat out with the levels of venom that would normally be fatal not just to anyone within earshot, but also the the speaker as well.

"Winstanley, is your cousin still in political charge of MI-11?"

"Torquilmina? Yes, but you know she's---"

"Look, she is a valuable asset to the syndicate. We need her assistance. You're not doubting the importance of the syndicate's mission are you?"

"No, of course not. Nothing is more important---"

"Excellent. Then get her to put the Ministry on MI-11's terrorist list. And get them to give us everything they have on the Ministry. After this," Algernon indicated the ruins of the factory, "I'm not sure I trust our agent in the Ministry."

"I'm off to check that the bunker is still intact. I dont wan't anything to affect our plans, and especially not for the Christmas Crackers." And with that Algernon opened a hidden trap door that revealed an apparently undamaged staircase leading down into the bowels of the earth, which he promptly decended.

Winstanley swallowed nervously and looked at his mobile phone. Very timidly, he started to dial Torquilmina's number.
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Old 12-13-2009, 01:21 PM   #11
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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not MI-11's terrorist list !!!



...what will that do, exactly ?
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Old 12-13-2009, 02:00 PM   #12
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It's about the umbrella
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<--- popcorn smuggled in.. NOT "Llama llama corn (for popping)"
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Old 12-13-2009, 02:02 PM   #13
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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<--- popcorn smuggled in.. NOT "Llama llama corn (for popping)"
or so you CLAIM !!!




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Old 12-13-2009, 09:07 PM   #14
dreams
It's about the umbrella
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or so you CLAIM !!!




Well, just between you and me, it's really....

Quote:
Notice: This poster has been edited to protect the guilty innocent.
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:45 AM   #15
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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Curious. There seems to be an entity here that is editing posts. And I only see one green mod around but that's Zelda and she certainly wouldn't...................
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