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Old 11-30-2009, 07:11 PM   #1
HistoryWes
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Help from Cricket fans, please.

Hi,
I'm writing a story in which a cricket game is going on in the background. As a Yank, knowing nothing about cricket previously, I read as much as I could. But I would appreciate if anyone could tell me if this sounds alright, or better yet, make a suggestion.

The teams walked out onto the pitch to shake hands with their opponents. Then they took their positions. West Brumming was bowling first and their man was getting his eye in as the big blond batsman waited. Finally everything was ready and the bowler sent a beautiful floater at the wicket. A loud crack indicated a shot and the big batsman went running.
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Old 11-30-2009, 07:17 PM   #2
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Never heard the term floater used to describe a delivery. Use yorker, bouncer, or delivery.
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Old 11-30-2009, 07:37 PM   #3
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Examples to describe the delivery would be: "well pitched-up delivery", "ball delivered on a good length", etc, which describe how close to the batsman's end of the wicket the ball has landed. Something can be well pitched up and still get smacked by the batsman to the boundary.

If you hadn't come across the following already:


www.cricinfo.org, which provides ball-by-ball text commentary of matches (example of a past one: http://www.cricinfo.com/ausvwi09/eng...iew=commentary )

For a examples of writing about things in the game of cricket itself rather than the specifics of a particular match, there's a cricket writer called "Peter Roebuck" that seems to write in an interesting way.

Last edited by HeartedHoof; 11-30-2009 at 07:42 PM.
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Old 11-30-2009, 08:09 PM   #4
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The teams walked out onto the pitch to shake hands with their opponents. Then they took their positions. West Brumming was bowling first and their man was getting his eye in as the big blond batsman waited. Finally everything was ready and the bowler sent a beautiful bouncer at the wicket. A loud crack indicated a shot and the big batsman went running.

Please let me know of any more changes to make.

I like the sound of yorker, but I'm guessing it has its origins in York, and I want to stay as place nonspecific as possible. Thanks for the link, HeartedHoof. I want it to be description of what's going on in the background rather than an actual commentary on the game. I'm also afraid if I use too detail it will be obvious I don't know what I'm talking about.
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Old 11-30-2009, 10:16 PM   #5
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No worries HistoryWes, you've already captured it except that single bowling phrase.

Just a note that a bouncer happens to be something that's aggressively bowled "at the batsman" rather than "at the wicket" (a bouncer typically is meant to be throat-height or above by the time it reaches the batsman), so another type of delivery might be better used as a description if you wish to preserve "at the wicket" wording. Actually a yorker is also bowled "at the batsman" since it's meant to be right down at his toes (yorker is a common cricket term, so it's not particularly place-specific even if it may have originated from there).

Perhaps the main sticking point is just the "at the wicket" part, where "at the batsman" or "down the wicket" would be more commonly used. I would suggest that something like "..the bowler sent a beautiful bouncer down the wicket" would work better. The rest sounds alright!

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Old 12-01-2009, 03:34 AM   #6
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I think you'll find that the teams don't walk out on the field to shake hands at the beginning of the game. The two captains and the umpires come out first and a coin is tossed to see who gets to choose who bats or bowls first. Then the 11 players on the bowling/fielding side come out, and two players of the batting side. As each batsman is got out another comes on to replace him until (usually) the first 10 batsman are got out - leaving one batsman who has not been got out. Then the two batsmen go off the field to change out of their pads etc, and the rest of the previously batting side comes on to bowl/field while two of the previously bowling/fielding side come on to bat.

The big shaking hands routine occurs at the end of the match, not the beginning.

Regards, Alex
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Old 12-01-2009, 12:52 PM   #7
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Thanks to each of you for your help. Here is the text so far, along with the rest of the scene, if you are interested. If you see anything else that I need to fix, please feel free to let me know.

The two team captains joined the umpire on the pitch for the coin toss. It was determined that Ville Colonie would bat first and the players took their positions. The West Brumming bowler was getting his eye in as a heavy set blond batsman waited. At last the match started as the bowler sent a beautiful bouncer down the wicket, but a loud crack indicated a shot and the big batsman went running.

“Would you like something to drink?” Terrence asked.

“Is there a waiter?” wondered Iolanthe, looking around.

“No, there’s a snack kiosk over there.” He pointed to a small shed just beyond the visiting team hutch. “What would you like?”

“I don’t suppose they have any wine.”

“I doubt it.”

“A beer then.”

Terrence took his place in the queue, only occasionally looking back at the game. He wasn’t really that interested in cricket, even though he had played it at university. There was no point in telling Iolanthe though. Once she had her head set on something, it wasn’t likely to change. He purchased two bottles of beer, which came in tall brown bottles with cork stoppers.

Just as he turned around to leave, he was approached by a young woman with long red hair. She was dressed in a long brown skirt and a white blouse and looked as though she might have just come from a factory job. She was pretty, in course sort of way, and she wore no makeup.

“Can you help me, sir?” she asked, and then turned and began to walk away before Terrence could answer.

He shrugged and followed her, a beer bottle in each hand, around the corner of the kiosk and between a pair of small sheds. As he made the second corner, Terrence came face to face with three men. Two of them were brandishing knives. For a second he didn’t recognize them. Then suddenly he did. They were three men outside Blackwood’s. The memory of the white opthalium made his eyes water slightly. What was it that Blackwood called the first fellow… Mickey, Mikey, Mika?

“Thanks luv. Hurry on your way,” said Mika to the girl, who quickly left. He then turned and smiled unpleasantly at Terrrence. “You’re so happy t’see me your eyes are waterin’ eh?”

“I’m sentimental,” Terrence replied.

The toughs had chosen their spot well. They were shielded from the street by a hedgerow and from the cricket game and spectators by the sheds. Without conscious thought, Terrence’s mind ran through his options. He could drop one of the beers and go for the pistol in his pocket. He could simply bash the bottles into a couple of skulls. In either scenario, he’d probably take at least one knife blade. He could always yell for help. There were plenty of people within earshot, probably even a copper. Again, he’d probably get stabbed. Besides, he’d never yelled for help in his life.

“Care for a beer?” he asked.

“I’m goin’ t’enjoy lettin’ the air outa you.”

Suddenly there was a loud report followed by a wet smack and the man behind Mika, Mika’s brother Terrence suddenly remembered, dropped to the ground with a massive hole in his chest pouring out blood like a johnny pump. Before anyone had time to think or to move or to think about moving, three more shots rang out. The beer bottles in Terrence’s hands exploded and a good portion of Mika’s jaw was ripped off his face. He dropped to the ground with a gurgled scream, while the third man in the group turned and ran. Terrence turned to his left, still holding the shattered remains of the bottles, to find Iolanthe in a cloud of gunsmoke a forty five caliber pistol, an exact match to the one in his pocket save only that hers had a pearl handle, pointed in his general.

“Kafira’s tit, Iolanthe! You almost hit me.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied, closing her left eye and taking a bead on the fleeing man’s back.

“Let him go,” he said, and looked down at the sad remains of Mika, now whining pitifully.

Last edited by HistoryWes; 12-01-2009 at 06:23 PM.
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Old 12-06-2009, 05:56 AM   #8
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.."It was determined that Ville Colonie would bat first "

FYI, this would often be described as "Ville Colonie won and chose to bat first", or, "West Brumming won and sent Ville Colonie in to bat..", but the phrase you used is perfectly valid and I think fits in better with the surrounding sentences, so I'm not necessarily suggesting a change there.

The section looks good (from my reading of it, lolanthe asking about whether there is waiter shows that she hasn't been to a game before). That's the most violence I've seen around a cricket game though!
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:43 AM   #9
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Just a small point which you might've missed - in cricket, after hitting the ball, BOTH batsmen run. They're at opposite ends of the pitch, and they each run to the end that the other started at. They keep running back and forth til, in their opinion, they're in danger of being 'run out' (a fielder hitting the wicket with the ball when the batsman aiming for that end is out of the 'crease' - between the safety line and the wicket).
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Old 12-07-2009, 09:55 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nomesque View Post
Just a small point which you might've missed - in cricket, after hitting the ball, BOTH batsmen run. They're at opposite ends of the pitch, and they each run to the end that the other started at. They keep running back and forth til, in their opinion, they're in danger of being 'run out' (a fielder hitting the wicket with the ball when the batsman aiming for that end is out of the 'crease' - between the safety line and the wicket).

ppfft ... just what I was going to say...

(please remind me to stay away from cricket matches if they are going to be this dangerous .... )
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Old 12-11-2009, 07:32 PM   #11
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Thanks guys!
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