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Old 11-16-2009, 10:13 AM   #1
GeoffC
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Monday Laugh-in

Hmmmmmmm

( I loved 26 !!!! )

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS
Greater Glasgow


1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.


2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
disappeared.

7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert,
but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for
physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane20ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in
separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and
he was feeling better.

Stay away from hospitals !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a
bench outside a nursing home when an old
Grandpa walked by.



And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying,

"We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."




The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can! - Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
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Old 11-16-2009, 11:07 AM   #2
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Icanhasdonuts?
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Ok... number 30 was the cause for needing a new keyboard
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Old 11-16-2009, 07:58 PM   #3
Verencat
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Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.Verencat read the news today, oh boy.
 
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AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My ribs hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was trying to find a couple of my favorites, but I just can't bring the list under 30... That was hi-la-ri-ous!!!!!!!!!

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Old 11-16-2009, 08:39 PM   #4
ShortNCuddlyAm
WWHALD
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Some of those were painfully funny!
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Old 11-16-2009, 08:54 PM   #5
kazbates
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Brilliant!! I loved them all!
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Old 11-16-2009, 10:06 PM   #6
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Stay away from hospitals! hahaha.

nice post!

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Old 11-16-2009, 10:23 PM   #7
Ralph Sir Edward
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Reminds me of my youth. I worked my way though college with government jobs. The first two summers were working in the records department of the second largest hospital in the US military. Needless to say some of the records were hilarious. My favorite was...

Patient inhaled french fry...
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Old 11-16-2009, 10:27 PM   #8
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Fond memories of Laugh-In.

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Old 11-17-2009, 02:09 AM   #9
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Rollin' with the punches
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hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Thanks, I feel *so* much better! Itʻs been a rough few days at my house. I think #9 is very appropriate....
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Old 11-17-2009, 06:37 AM   #10
GeoffC
Chocolate Grasshopper ...
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for many hooohaas on a cold winters night, watch live TV news broadcasts with teletext !!!
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:25 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffC View Post
for many hooohaas on a cold winters night, watch live TV news broadcasts with teletext !!!
Uh, I think I must have a different definition of "hoohaaas" because I sure donʻt want to have a lot of them on a cold winterʻs night. One is fine for me, thanks.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:32 AM   #12
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffC View Post
for many hooohaas on a cold winters night, watch live TV news broadcasts with teletext !!!
Ummm.........I'm with Gracie on this. Must be a US thing.
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