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Old 04-19-2009, 07:37 PM   #16
Moejoe
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Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.
 
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Well I hope you enjoy reading it If not, well, you haven't lost anything but a few minutes of time
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Old 04-19-2009, 08:14 PM   #17
dreams
It's about the umbrella
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Just had to sneak in and have a peek .. but alas caught on the laptop and have to go out and do my fair share of work

Is this an extra word?
Jeff glanced to where he’d (been stood) only
moments before.

Move to here maybe?
(Jeff shivered.)
Her voice was a cool summer breeze and a
winter chill at the same time.

Darn, gotta get out there. Will finish reading this later... Thanks again.
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Old 04-19-2009, 08:17 PM   #18
Moejoe
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Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreams View Post
Just had to sneak in and have a peek .. but alas caught on the laptop and have to go out and do my fair share of work

Is this an extra word?
Jeff glanced to where he’d (been stood) only
moments before.

Move to here maybe?
(Jeff shivered.)
Her voice was a cool summer breeze and a
winter chill at the same time.

Darn, gotta get out there. Will finish reading this later... Thanks again.

I'll look it over in the morning. At the moment my eyes can't focus I'm that tired Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-20-2009, 12:06 AM   #19
dreams
It's about the umbrella
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Loved it! Very different from your other shorts..
It left me wondering who was... oops don't want to spoil it for anyone.
Keep writing. I use to not like reading short stories (not even anthologies from my favorite authors) but, I've found that lately I am really starting to appreciate them.
Thank you so much for sharing with us.
(now if you would just put up a tip jar, I would even dig out the credit cards<haven't been used for 10 years and still they keep upping my limits!>, get a pay pal account and leave a little something)
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:14 AM   #20
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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i read it last night ; i loved it too ! i particularly like the idea that a city is interesting for the people who live there, more than for the monuments ! i completely agree. i'm looking forward to reading more of your stories !! i think you should put them back on feedbooks just long enough for me to download them...

not to be a critic, but i think i found a typo : "she smiled and it was as if Venus had turned after at thousand years to greet him."
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:42 AM   #21
Moejoe
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Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.
 
Posts: 5,113
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreams View Post
Loved it! Very different from your other shorts..
It left me wondering who was... oops don't want to spoil it for anyone.
Keep writing. I use to not like reading short stories (not even anthologies from my favorite authors) but, I've found that lately I am really starting to appreciate them.
Thank you so much for sharing with us.
(now if you would just put up a tip jar, I would even dig out the credit cards<haven't been used for 10 years and still they keep upping my limits!>, get a pay pal account and leave a little something)
Thanks for the words of encouragement, and I think I'm still wondering who...well, that little creature was just there when I wrote it, I have no explanations for its appearance There won't be a tip jar, as I think I've decided against trying to profit from my short stories. I might do t-shirts at some point, or mugs And I love short stories as reading matter. You can do a lot with a short story in a small amount of space. It's really a playground for ideas that might not be big enough for a novel.

Thanks again, for reading
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:45 AM   #22
Moejoe
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Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.Moejoe did not drink the Kool Aid.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
i read it last night ; i loved it too ! i particularly like the idea that a city is interesting for the people who live there, more than for the monuments ! i completely agree. i'm looking forward to reading more of your stories !! i think you should put them back on feedbooks just long enough for me to download them...

not to be a critic, but i think i found a typo : "she smiled and it was as if Venus had turned after at thousand years to greet him."
You did find a typo Little bugger snuck in there. They breed like rabbits, they do. I'm not exactly sure what the story is about, to be honest. I plugged in my very scant experiences of Paris, tried to get across that kind of isolation you might feel in a city when you don't know the language, and then inspired by the recent meetings held by yours truly and others, saw the city as something more. I'm not even sure it makes that much sense, but it was fun to write

There'll be two collections of shorts on Feedbooks soon enough (again, real life gets in the way). This was a one-off, just something that struck me and I had to write it down.
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:54 AM   #23
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moejoe View Post
You did find a typo Little bugger snuck in there. They breed like rabbits, they do. I'm not exactly sure what the story is about, to be honest. I plugged in my very scant experiences of Paris, tried to get across that kind of isolation you might feel in a city when you don't know the language, and then inspired by the recent meetings held by yours truly and others, saw the city as something more. I'm not even sure it makes that much sense, but it was fun to write

There'll be two collections of shorts on Feedbooks soon enough (again, real life gets in the way). This was a one-off, just something that struck me and I had to write it down.
heh, once you write something, it takes on a life of its own, and the readers will see ideas that you didn't necessarily intend... but it was very evocative, whether or not you planned all the evocations. anyway, i really enjoyed it and i'm looking forward to more !! (damned real life, arg ! )
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